am i ok am i alive am i this person that everyone strives for am i breathing and am i being who i want to be and this is all that i can see where have i gone i miss me days so cold and memories lost i cant belive this is real and i missed you the day you left i missed everything i wanted so badly to love you and u to love me the way i did you but i guess to no surprize this is it and the time is gone i wont survive because you were my air and my sight you were my love and all the delight but now u are gone taken with you my heart and now i am blind i cant just start over agin because u were all i wanted u were my everything and now its all gone who have i become in the days that you have gone? i am every mans dream now, and i cant understand how that could be, when its u i couldnt even please. now im just hurt now im just upset, and now its all the same to me.. cuz this is where u said i ought to be. and the funny thing to it all is i always wished u the best i would kill everything in me for you to survive every lifes test and i would be everything u asked of me, and it still didnt work even though now i see mabe things are better this way. the hurt will go away. the tears will dry themselves.. but not today. if i try to run i know the problems will follow me as though i just stood still. they are too big to tackle and too much to ignore. i guess ill have to do my best though. i miss him of course i do. but i wonder sometimes if he misses me too. i dont know what hurts more thinking about what could have been or knowing that the love just walked out the door. we had our whole lives planned together and its been a few months now since you have been gone... it was hard at first and then i thought i got over you... but i just relized.. you are my drive, and now im just lost without you. i dont know what im doing here without you. i regret the things i have done in the past and i hate myself for almost forgetting about you and i dont know why. im sure im gone to you and im not the one you want to see when u come home. but i would still give you everything wether u asked it of me or not. mabe its me and it really isnt you. but i feel dead to everything i shouldnt be dead to. i would die for just an hour more with you..and i dont know why. its been a long time since i held you and herd u say i love you to me. and as simple as it would seem for me to move on i just cant... that strenghth isnt in me. no one elese is quiet like you. and even if there were they still wouldnt be good enough for me because it isnt you. i dont want to fix myself i want to feel this pain so u know that i actually did care even if u already knew it. i just dont understand how one day you were there and the next u just dissapeared. why do i love you so much? why. i fear that one day i will wake up and forget your face, but in the inner most parts of me thats all i wish to see... nothing. nothing of you and me.