matthew my mother karla myself my aunt and dee the future fear everything around me. Nothing is right. Nothing will be right. Nothing. that word is the most full word you can say. you almost choke on it everytime. like throwing up the word in a gut wrenching gag. Nothing... you almost feel lighter after saying it. nothing nothing nothing. life consists of nothing. i am nothing. i will always be nothing. me and matthew will produce nothing. me and my mother are nothing. me and karla were always nothing. my aunt and myself we have become nothing. i have subcome to the darkness in my heart. it feels good. it feels right. i feel shelded and as if for once i could be either loved or feared both of which i only dream about. sometimes i wish i was a really powerful sourcer so i could make myself be set. eternal happiness, a loving husband, a big home.... the all american dream. Fuck the rest of the world. i cared too much about them and they just beat me to the ground so hard there was a shape where my body had fallen into the cement that their cruelity had molded. Mabe im too gullible. Im just a nieve little girl. i know i will find what i am looking for. only if. if i can last that long.