where do i go from here? i have never asked a question so hard to ask before and a question with no answer that i can find... not even within myself. Please someone tell me where to go from a broken heart and a lonely dream. Its not alright that all i had was a dream. im looking at a non stable thing right now in my life. i have to cut all loose ends and begin new. say goodbye to everyone that is someone that can only do harm to me. that would be karla my mother matthew all of the people that are on matts side... heh.... that would be everyone i know. i need to take myself away from everyone and everything for a good long while untill i can figure out whats going on in my life. i dont want to ask where to go from here ever agin. i want to find happiness and i want to be the woman i dreamed i would be when i was a little girl. i dont want to be stuck with only bad thoughts and forever dragging me down things and people. i have been a drinker i have been a stonner i have been a best friend i have been a lover a daughter a grand daughter a neice a bitch a nerd popular a dreamer a realistic person. i feel like i have been threw all the disguises i could be in. whats left? i have had more things and been threw more stuff then most people my age now. i am smarter then most my age now. Yet there is still something missing. i have been empty for as long as i could remember and i dont know if i would know what it felt like to actually not be hollow. mabe there is no hope for me. Haha. it almost feels good to say theres no hope. Mabe i need to make my hope. i cant let other people make me who i am. i have to find a ground on which i can stand for once and not be terrified if it'll fall out from beneath me. i need solid ground. i cant believe im still here. in this mind set. i have been this way for years now. why wont the grip this has on me free its self? why is everything a heartbreak to me. if there was a night i could break down to matt like he says he wants me to..... it would be tonight. but then agin... he also isnt here.