last night i got really drunk and threw up about 5 times that i can remeber. i have said that i love drinking and i am always saying how i want to high all the time, but that's not me. i hate being drunk! it makes me dizzy, stupid, and i can't walk to the bathroom without falling down! and being high? please! i hate that too. i keep saying how i always want to get into trouble but the truth is that i don't to! i just want to get past school, and go on to collage, and live happily ever after. but i can't change. drinking makes me feel like i am a part of the crowd, even when i am alone. getting high is the same story. smoking makes my nerves calm, but i can't stand the way it makes you smell or the taste, or anything really about it. the temptatoin is so great, and these things they only help with making look like a fucking jackass. i want to stp, but i know i won't untill i get hurt...