its ok..i can handle this....tears will fall, but i'll be fine. i'll lose my best friend, but i'll be fine....is this right? cuz, dude, it doesnt feel like it. heres what im talkin bout. i took advice. i told ed marie was with brian longer than what she told him. maries really pissed off at me. she said she lost her best friend (me) but i lost mine too (her). but, hey. jeremiah said its the right thing to do. even if it doesnt seem like it now...it is. but is it? i mean, yea, ed thanked me. and said "even if she doesnt consider u a friend, i do." but the first time in a long time, i found a best friend...and now shes gone. now i hafta look for one again. but, this time, one i can trust ( a hard consept, i know), and one who wouldnt do this to people. i cant sit there, and watch the people around me gettin hurt. as long as it was right...i'll be fine. but it doesnt feel like it. part of me feels peace. part of me feels like i betrayed someone...and thats a horrible feeling. i cant keep doin this. if life would end right now, i'd be ever so thankful. and if i go to tell someone somethin i shouldnt, before i die, someone smack me as hard as u can. i dont care. i may be mad at first, but the reminder, i'll be thankful for. other than that...i havnt talked to martin since..thursday? :( i so hope i can talk to him soon. he always makes me feel better...even when he doesnt try :) well...im off to put these tears somewhere else... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ updated: meh bro got me and marie to talk...she think shes not worth anythin..she said she doesnt know why she was born...but if i didnt have her in meh life...i dunno where i'd be. yea, some of the things ive written about, make her seem bad. but, shes really...not...that bad. her and dave are like my best friends. i dun ever wanna lose either of them. or any of my friends. they all mean alot to me; each and every single one of 'em. she broke up with ed cuz, she said, he deserves someone better. but, dude, marie is an awesome person. shes fun to be around, and is "protective" i guess ya could say. she keeps sayin sorry...i keep sayin sorry...