hmmm I dont know what to do. I feel like the biggest liar in the world. But i dont know why... Matt told me the other day that he loved me. But I still won't go out with him. I don't know why he told me he loved me either maybe to see if it would help the situation a lil I doubt he does anyway... If I could I would've told him that I don't own my heart nemore. But I doubt Matt could understand something like that though... I've been getting really better at not pushing ppl away and isolating myself. I feel so isolated now though... Sarah told me she was glad that I had stopped pushin her away cuz it helped her help me. Maybe I need help.... lotz of help. I dont know how to explain this so I can understand it. My mind does but my heart doesn't... maybe I need to get away for a bit... far far away....