I've never been to keen about the color green, however I thought I'd experiment for a change. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. To be honest, these past few days haven't been filled with the kind of longing for worship that I would have wanted. I would have loved to be spiritually filled with thoughts and emotions of joy and thankfullness for our risen Savior, but this world has jumped on my back and has prevented me from doing so. My priorities aren't always right and I find myself at the end of the day wondering what went wrong. Where did I mess up? Why didn't I read more or pray more or be more spirit filled or more loving? But if I make myself the issue it no longer turns into a Christ centered walk and relationship with Him. He is worthy of all my praise. But He also knows that I am still in the flesh and in this world, therefore I can't depend on MYSELF to do everything. I must ask Him for help, because He is the only one that can lift me up and give me strength. How can my filthy rags compare to his splendorous robe? How can my small heart compare to His abundant love? How can my feeble attempts compare to His perfect will? God is good. I can't put into words the things I wish I could change. About my life, my family, my friends, my church, my job, my past. Things in this life are not under my preordanied minset or by the act of my own free will. The Lord Jesus is the author and finisher of my faith and the sovereign God over all. He holds the sands of time. He moves throughout history. I am just passing through. So when worry warts start to pop up, I have to learn to trust more in Him and look to the cross for strength and hope. Hope that is not seen. I think about my grandparents. The love that I have for them. How much I adore their lives as a married couple that raised three children, one being my mother. I think about the sacrafices my grandfather has made for our country. Fighting in Vietnam. Flying B-2 Bombers. I think about my grandma, the clothes she sewed for my uncles and mom. The many meals she's made and the patient and gentle spirit she possesses. But when I am done thinking about these wonderful thoughts, I think about the heart of the matter. Their hearts, and where they stand before such a holy and just God. I think to myself and say, "are they saved?" "do they know Christ?" "has Christ revealed Himself to them?" It is so hard to think about the answers. It is a prayer of mine that I can share the gospel one day with them. Sooner rather than later. I know that I can't save anyone from their sins, only Christ can. He was sent forth into this world to save sinners. You carried the cross and took my shame. Thank you Lord Jesus.