What a beautiful week. I don't know why I always am so dissatisfied. I guess life is full of uncertainties and we just have to deal with it, and if we are philosophers we think about it a lot and agonize over it and become dissatisfied with our state of being. I have tried to be Hedonistic for a few weeks but it's not fun anymore. But I can't live a life of charity and morality either, so I feel kind of left out in the cold. Last night at the band concert, despite the fact that I apparently don't exist, and passed my nonexistence on to Alea (poor girl), the power in those Wind Ensemble songs was skyshattering. I have not felt that good in a long time, maybe the thrill I have been looking for. But it only lasted a few moments. There was just something about the fullness of the sound, and the fact that I was contributing to it, that may not have been perfect, but it certainly was beautiful, and I felt it in the dusty corners of my soul... Our bass clarinet soli was fantastic too, beautiful, I'm glad I could provide the beef. To see the look on her face was love. I woke up this morning and rolled around in my bed for a little while and then finally decided to get up to let the cat in, because she had been scrabbling at my door probably for hours. So she came and lay down with me for awhile and that was the spurt of energy and love I needed to get out of bed and face the day. This is why I will have a cat. Always. As we all know, dogs drive me up the wall like Gregor Samsa, but cats I understand. We understand each other. I probably have beri beri. I need some juice.