Wow. So we've hacked into the journalism computers in MC mid-tour... We're trying to kill Kira early on to save her from... something... Anyways, Gus and Paul have gone back to CT. I don't realize yet how much I miss them, but at the same time I do, just because if they hadn't gone back I might not be seeing them at this point... But no more Gus to flirt with and torture or Gus window to sit in, no more Paul to disagree with agreeably, no more either of them to love without strings attached... And then we find out that Mel is definitely not coming back. It's really sad, first of all just the reason she left, and secondly that she missed tour too, and thirdly that none of us wanted to face the fact that it might be irreversible and it might actually be hurting her to be here, the fact that she might not be coming back, so none of us said goodbye. I think her things are still somewhere in Midlands. Home sweet home for us, but we just found an M on her bulletin board when we were touring dorms and it was like ice down my shirt. So now there are nine. Out of fifteen total exchange students this year, there are nine to finish second semester and leave, presumably, in June. Provided nothing goes wrong... Anyways, we're back on campus, yeah, touring and such. Chilling at Ms. Aoki's because she has some good food, some good music, a washing machine, hot shower, etc etc etc! AND I made a smoothie this morning!! Oooh baby, do I ever miss those!!! I think when we go to Buzz I want to invest in a blender, maybe a rice cooker or a pot or cookie sheet, and then I can cook on weekends instead of eating same old food court over and over again. Sweet muffins. Oh, and I can make muffins!! Victory... Last night we had Japanese food, misu and stirfry and short-grain rice and jasmine tea, and ate it with chopsticks. And then we talked. She says it's like having a mother again, and it kind of is, except with more freedom. She showed me where everything is and I got comfortable surprisingly quickly, seeing how it's the deputy headmistress' house, and my english teacher... But that's one thing I think that has changed about me, for those of you who've asked: I rarely feel an awkward moment anymore, and fall into situations more easily, talk to people more easily, meet them more easily, throw myself outward more easily. I'm super-adaptable and I can mesh into any situation. People tell me I'm a Woodstocker pretty often, and I'm proud of it. But there are other things that I am as well, even if they can't exactly be named. I finally feel balanced, at peace. Again. I think that's another thing I'm learning, is to go with the flow a little more. Everyone knows I wouldn't be me if I didn't still orchestrate some things, but I have less than a paddle in the river of life than I've had since I was little, since before I started having dreams about the first day of school a month in advance. That means Minnesota. You'd think I'd be more carefree in St. Croix, but it's a lot different than you'd think. Those were some of the most stressful years of my life, I think, somewhat surprisingly as far as Caribbean stereotypes go... And talking to Alex and Ben and Steve and everyone last night, 'til the badmas (Nepali naughty) hour of 2:30am... I'm realizing how much things have changed in good ole Amdam too, and I'm realizing other things about myself. I feel really good about the fact that I can finally voice my ideas about parts of my past I wasn't quite ready to face before, and realized some things that I feel even after everything. I really like you guys, all of you, and I feel kind of like I'm being scattered all over the world but finally giving up resistance, and it feels really good. So again I'm being cryptic and I'll probably get bombed for it, but I just want you to know that I really love you. You know who you are. Oh, and I have to give Anjali 100 bucks if I don't have kids, and if she does she has to give me 100. So basically I have 100 bucks, one way or the other, sometime in the future... A pointless investment thingie... We like to bake haphazardly, though, so maybe it's good insurance...