hmm so deep thought ahhh i hate when i plan a deep question to put in here and i forget... oh yeah doesnt it all seem so pointless? i mean... why.... if "God" knows if we are going to heaven or hell before we are even born... then why should we be here? to deal? why destroy something as beautiful and innocent as nature? drew told me it was because it was cursed in the garden of eden. but why? nature didnt do anything? shouldnt it just be humans that are cursed? we are now reading Farenheight 451 in english class. its a thought provoking book, but i find it mildly dull. (I am still infatuated with the thought provoking power of The Hitchickers Guide to the Galaxy "trilogy") however i find that the character Clarisse is a splitten image of me. she makes all the points i try so hard to make. and now, i find myself asking... am i insane as they say she is in the book? or really am i more intelligent beyond my years as Clarisse feels? i dont feel insane. i dont think i am... but i must be. how come i cannot blindly accept a faith,a story, anything ... with out historical backing? why am i always questioning the integrity of authority? is it because i feel like a free spirit? do i not want to be dampered with the weight a religion carries? why is the world in such turmoil just because some man died on a cross 2000 years ago for saying how nice it would be for people to be nice to each other? was jesus really the son of God or just a smooth talker? im sure they asked the same about charles manson. mind you i am not comparing Charles to jesus... just saying. and for those of you who say "turn to the bible" well how can we trust that, when the oldest surviving bible is just a copy of a copy and was written two centuries after the whole shindig? and also how can you trust something written by ... men? i mean... arent we the most cunning and conniving creatures youve ever seen? maybe god is just an inner hope for all mankind that there really is something more. and you probably wont read this. i dont ask you to. but these are the thoughts and questions that plague me daily. sorry to have wasted your time, if you did read this far.