im stuck in shock. "i will sleep another day. ill let you get the best of me. let you get the best of me" its stuck in my head. i cant believe. give yourself to someone else. im not even mad. im kinda amazed. you ate the whole wheel of cheese?! sry. i need some comic relief. im so numb. so... gone. blank. i made a new diary. Sacrament. i feel like i should be opening up to a new chapter.. a new book. but maybe i wont. its just there though. just in case. i love kyle. im lost in emotions but so numb to it all. i do really still care about cresten. and still love him. its not the same. it cant be though. not what we had before. he seems dirty to me now. and.. i dont know if i want him. we made up today. but im thinking of having second thoughts. i like kyle so much now. but. im leary of just jumping into a new relationship with someone. i dont want to. i want to know him better before i make that choice. i just need time. to heal this wound. to let it scar. to get to know. to cry. and time is such a shitty medicine but its the best for what it does. but yeah. as far as im concerned. i woke up today. from a nightmare. and im sitting in a cold sweat and im coming to terms with the fact that its real. and planning.. plotting. what i always do. taking action. its what i do. i think. i just want to take some time. to figure out. who i am. where i am. what i want. maybe a week or so. i mean. all i can do right now is take one day at a time. and not measure my life out in birthdays. not measure my relationships in years or months.. days. but. insead. just time. i like the name Rune. what if you father her child? did you think about that? i cant deal with that. i cant deal period anymore. i want to blow my brians out but be so much more. shes a slut. i dont care what you say. she is to me. and ill kill her. if i ever find her. i will kill her. beat her. shank her. stab her a million times in the heart just to make her sort of feel how i do now. i want her dead. this is all. im staring at the mirror and for the first time, i see myself. damn. im so sad.