why the fuck do i still care? why? why cant i get over it? i mean i thought i was. i thought i didnt care anymore. but when we talked it was like nothing had changed just like it was before. what the fuck? man my emotions are shot! damnit paul! WHY DO I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!? is it because i cant get over the fact i lost my best friend and havent found someone to replace you???! i thought michael frey, but hell hes with laura so goddamned much that i never get to talk to him! aaahh im torn up inside. all this time. can i finally apologize to you? or does it go without saying??! should i? or will i sound utterly retarded?? im afraid to IM you. to even say hi. how the hell would i start that? "Hey paul. i just wanted to say im sorry for all that shit way back when. i just cant forget you as a friend like that." yeah thats smart. damnit!! why didnt i say it last night!?? oh fuck. i dont know. _____________________________ anyhow. i miss cresten. for gods sake i love that boy. the show went fine. but friday night was our best performance. next year. ill be best of all. ill be the star. just you watch. i WILL be famous someday. *sigh* i like the name Jaylor. and i like Zelda. and Rudy. i think if i have those twin boys like i want.. haha.. ill name em Jaylor and Rudy. i dunno. i just want it to be tomorrow and i want cresten to be over here. thats all. *sigh*