ok look so i dont know what to do about the whole.. cresten/kyle situation. im not one to throw my love life out on the scene. i dont like to fuck with peoples feelings. i want everyone to know that Ive only dated two people within the past two and a half years. i like long serious relationships. i dont know. i mean. i have to choose right. someone. and yeah one of them will get hurt. right. but theyll eventually get over it. as for me.. ill be hurt forever. stuck wondering forever if i picked second best. i dont want either of them to hate me. i feel like such a slut. for .. i dunno. i just feel like im messing with people's feelings. i cant even figure out my own. why the hell am i fucking things up for everyone else?! theres so much i want to say to kyle. i just dont know how to bring it up or say it. im so confused. so lost. so upset. i didnt know it could ever be this bad. i hate myself, my life. my feelings. my body. my hair, eyes, family. i hate all those things that attract people to me. my personality. i just hate me. im not going to be famous. who am i kidding. ive given up. im just going to try to be a normal member of society now. . i wonder if kyle reads this. i know cresten does. i know dave has. i mean i just dont know anymore which of my friends do or dont read this or who has before who keeps updated. i dunno. i always see three hits down at the bottom. so the same three people keep updated on me. im not sure why. do you guys really like what i write? are you obsessed with me? just want to know whats going on with me? im not sure. its a little creepy sometimes but then again. whatever. i dunno. gtg to band practice. ill.. catch you later maybe.