... life hurts. so much. i have an entry to write. but for right now. john mayer and his bottle are just fine. bottle of what? thats for you to figure out. am i coherent? ...why... am i so... depressed? i didnt get a part in the play they tried to make up to me, offering me stage manager. it hurts too mcuh right now. everything does. i just want to have stability. i just want to lay wasted on my floor crying and cold, and be just the most pathetic thing youve ever seen. i want to have my eye liner smeared around my eyes and sit here. i havent had one night that i havent cried myself to sleep this week. why. do i always do this. fall so hard for someone all of the sudden. and then get so hurt. my dad is calling. that hurts. hes gonna ask me how things are with mom again. do i really want to talk to him? him and grandma are trying to legally do something to get me out of here. i dont know. life is life. i cant escape. i cant be like kaleb. it would just fuck everyone further... or would it. would maybe only three or four people care? it wouldnt be a suprise if i did it would it. you could all blame mom. but do i really want to do that to her? no. as crazy as she is. i still love her. i love everyone. i cant put her through pain. make her more insane. i cant do it to kyle. i cant put him through that. if.. never mind. i just cant i love him too much. and cresten. and kelly. and all those other people who care about me for some reason. And I don't where you went when you left me but It says here in the water, you must be gone by now I can tell somehow One hand on the trigger of the telephone Wonderin when the call comes, when you say it's all right You got your heart right Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and Wait on your porch 'til you come back home, alright I can't find a fight We share the sadness Split screen sadness Two wrongs make it all alright tonight Two wrongs make it all alright tonight Two wrongs make it all alright tonight Two wrongs make it all alright tonight All you need is love is a lie cause We had a love but we still said goodbye Now we're tired, battered fighters And it stings when it nobody's fault Cause there's nothing to blame At the drop of your name, it's only the air you took And the breath you left So maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and Wait on the porch til you come back home, alright I can't find the fight So I'll check the weather wherever you are Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight Might be my only right We share the sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) Split screen sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) We share the sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) Split screen sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) I called... because... I just... need to feel you on the line Don't hang up this time And I know well it's me you called it over but I still wish you fought me 'til my dying day Don't let me get away Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me So I can say this is the way that I used to be There's no substitute for time Oh for the sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) Split screen sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) We share the sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) Split screen sadness (two wrongs make it all alright tonight) Oh in the sadness, it's alright, it's alright Oh in the sadness, it's alright, it's alright so in other words. my spirit is officially broken.