im jealous of him. i am. and its the sad riduculous truth. for once in my life im jealous of someone. and it happens to be the person in the world i love the most. i mean. yeah way to go Pat.. Always Tomorrow rocks! but cresten.. im so jealous of him.. i guess thats what it is. its the band! i mean. yes.. i love going to shows.. but I'd DEFFINETLY rather BE THE SHOW. its so much what i want. is a damn.. band... or.. something.. some way to perform. make people see me. im serious. thats what it is. i think thats why the band pisses me off so much. that and half the time ive heard of him.. or caught him.. smoking was "at band practice" or before a show. i mean.. i love the band.. and yes ill be there to support him and the guys at every show i can be at.. but.. deep inside it kinda hurts.. i mean.. im happy for him.. but.. i want that too. that.. performance. i love it.. and... i guess i just dont want to be "the bassist's girlfriend" .. "that hot chick in the background"... i mean.. i want to be a part of it.. something.. anything. i dunno. standing on the sidelines makes me feel like such a groupie. also. one thing i am making a vow to stop doing is... calling him like 7 times a day. i mean.. with as much as i pick up the phone and dial his number, youd think i was desperate... but i am.