I know that my last couple of entries have just been meaningless words thrown together that I hoped made sense and I'm sorry for that. Sometimes when I try to get things out it doesn't always come out how I'd like it too so I'm lucky that you guys can all read this and such. This entry is going to be like that last couple of ones. I'm going to be rambling on about my relationship with my boyfriend but after you read it maybe it'll make some sense to you or at least I hope so. Then again I don't even care if people read this anymore but thanks ro Rach because she still does. You know how when you find that guy that you really like you want different and certain things to happen and if they don't you question everything. That's kinda how the last few days have been for me and I've been actually kinda miserable. Today I cried for the first time in a long time thinking about everything which is weird. I mean I really like my boyfriend and I mean really, but sometimes I doubt our relationship. I want him to look at me and just be like wow! I want him to not notice any of my imperfections or my flaws but think that I'm perfect and see me as being perfect. I want to be that person that he thinks about non-stop. I want to be held and I want him to do the little things that not most guys do anymore. I just want to be that girl. I kinda think that its never going to happen though, which is horrible thinking about. The future scares me for the fact that I don't know what is coming until that day comes. Yesterday is the past today is the present and tomorrow is the future. Its actually weird thinking about because you can't tell what's going to happen and you never truly know. Stupid life and stupid future. I talked to Tyler (my X) today about some stuff because I wanted to know all about how he seen me when we were dating. He said that I was sexy and he thought I was perfect. He said that if he hadn't found his girlfriend now that he would have tried to get me back. I told him a lot of stuff that I'm not going to say because I don't want the wrong person to read this or anything. It was cool talking to him and I'm glad that through everything we can still be friends. Sometimes I wish that things were different between us but I can't change what happened and frankly I don't want to anymore. Wow, I'm done with this, I think I've already said to much.