two days in a row i had an emotional breakdown on the phone. i don't get approval from anyone and i haven't in a long time, but lately i've wanted approval. i have been told that both my father and mother talk so highly of me, but i just wish that they told me how they felt rather than everyone else. i am my own worst critique but sometimes i want other people to notice my good deeds or my accomplishments without having to be told what i've done.

running more than two miles the last two days i've been in the gym has meant a lot to me but not one person other than eric has noticed. making the dean's list mean an absolute lot to me and eric and his mom said more about it than my own mother. when i'm done with school, i'm most definitely leaving.

ugh ...