[60] Its ink that lies. the pen, the page, the paper.

by waiting4u
Listening to: Seether
So today I started to write my english paper that's due on Monday and as I'm thinking about what I'm going to write I start to cry again. I picked something good that I can really relate to my life but its so hard thinking about my brother this time of the year. I mean in a little over a month is the 4 year anniversary of his death and this year I'll be spending that alone which sucks but also because of everything else that has been going on in my life. I just miss him so much now that its hard to think about him without crying again.
Why is life so damn hard and complicated?
I also start thinking about the whole God situation. I mean I used to believe that he had a plan for everyone and the world in his hands but ever since my brother's death and losing my only two grandma's I don't believe that anymore. I really think that he doesn't give a shit about the people. [I'm sorry to everyone that thinks differently but don't say anything] I just wish that things were different. I don't want to cry anymore or be sad or depressed or anything. I want to go back to the way things were when boys didn't break hearts and I was actually happy. I know that you can't dwell on the past but I just want to go back because that's when things were so much easier.
STUPID
Read 5 comments
i love you erin. i hope things feel better soon. good days just make the bad ones worth living. I'll ttyl. ♥Arika
[Anonymous]
I think that it's not stopping self-harm that really counts, it's stopping what made you self harm in the first place, the destructive thoughts, however if you've managed to stop self-harm then that is a good thing, maybe a step in the right direction, but at least you aren't endangering yourself any more.

I am not going to say what I think about the 'God has a plan' because I don't want to disagree with you, and I know how you are feeling, I
[cont] feel quite the same when I think about my dad dying, so it would be unfair to be hypocritical.

I hope that you are Ok at this hard time of year and if you want to talk to anyone then I am here.
hey, it's odd you posted this. i was just thinking some of the same things last night. how things have changed and how much easier and carefree the past was. it's like problems didn't even exist then and nothing that's on my mind now could have even bothered me at that time. i can't imagine what you're feeling about your brother, but you seem like a strong girl and i know you'll be ok. keep your head up. God bless :)

~Holly
i know whatever i tried to say, won't bring you the comfort you need.
but i just hope and pray for you, that you will be alright.
the world is crap sometimes,
but we have to live to see what the next day may bring.
it could be amazing.