Listening to: atreyu
i'm so sorry for neglecting this and i'm saying that to the few people that actually still read this and such. i've been really busy with my finals at school and working five days a week still and my sister's softball games that started.
so much has been going on and i don't even know where to start. i just want to say that my cutting hasn't stopped because of all of the pain that i've felt lately. i've only been taking pills because of my stupid migranes now but i need to stop that too. ugh life sucks again. steve told me to keep my head up and i explained everything to him in my last letter that i sent him. why does life have to be this way? why does he have to be so far away? i wish he was here to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok.
i've been fighting with tyler a lot because i think he's an enemy and he doesn't see it like that. i told him that i didn't want him going to my cousin's wedding with me and i didn't want to be his friend anymore. we've been talking still but i'm so fed up with him i can't even handle it anymore. he tells me that i'm one of his best friends and shit but i don't believe him anymore. he pretty much wore out his 'i'm sorries' because he's been saying them for way to long and i don't believe him anymore. why can't i just let go like i always say i will? why does everything have to be so complicated? i hate his shit.
i'm still working at the bar and hating that. guys think that they're flattering me when they come in and call me 'hunnie, sweetheart, sweetie, baby' but they aren't. the other day i had some guy kiss my cheek and it didn't even make me smile. i wish these guys knew that it wasn't the first nor last time i would hear those things. also when i tell them that i'm seeing someone they need to not be so persistent. if i'm seeing someone then i'm not going to be interested in your drunk perverted ass. god, people make me sick and i want to punch them all in the face and kick them in the knee caps.
the only plus is i'm done with school for the next four months and steve comes home in four months :] thank god i have something to look forward to. by the way, he sent me one of his dog tags in his last letter and i put it on one of my bracelets that i never take off. i miss him so much :[ my sister's softball team is 5-2 right now and my cousin gets married next week and i have no date. i'm sad and pathetic.
hope you all are doing well and i'll keep posting and i won't be MIA anymore
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