I feel so much better. Better than I did. I mean, I know T has a right to get all mad. And I accept that. I just, I don't know. Something inside me cracked. She's never been like that before. So, I kinda cracked a little. Not alot. Just a little. She was being really mean. Anyway, I woke up at 7:30 today. I'm SO sleepy. It's already 3. I'm about to really go to sleep. Kinda remembering the days when everything was okay. And I used to be scared of T. I still am. But I mean, when I used to be scared just by when her saying one word. Now I'm scared of us. Us and sometimes her. I still think she'll hit me. But she hasn't. She says she won't. But still. Chris said that too. Ugh. Not even gonna go there today. I cried alot last night. But now that that is over I'm kinda happy. Even though it isn't exactly "over" Well, I miss being okay. Not happy, but okay. Repent of My Close Secret that Haunts Me: I feel SO bad. I promised T I would never hurt her. Then I did all that bad stuff to her. She said once that I don't deserve her. I agree. It hurts. Because everytime we fight, I hear "I'm too good" No matter what sentence she's saying. The sad part is, those weren't even her exact words. idk. Shantelle said yesterday during the day that we were lucky to find people that love each other the same. Well, I'll be honest: I haven't felt "loved" in a while. But I know it's there. So..does she feel the same way? It's SO SICK how I twist words. Memory: While T was in the hospital, she brought up marriage. I don't know if she was trying to say she didn't wanna be married or what. She never finished. And I distinctly remember asking. But she didn't answer me. I guess I kinda know the answer now. I think I have a mild case of insomnia. Sam Sam really has it. But yuh, I think I'm becoming an insomniac. Yay. Whatever. Always, I.L.M.--~*p0rN StaR*~