I wonder if I'm more anti-social, or pissed. I don't feel mad anymore. I didn't shake all that hard to day. I was never "mad". I don't know. I think it's some sort of anxiety attack. Attack of the mood killers. I feel nothing. If Dwayne called, I'd be just as happy as if Delvon did, and we were talking about any other thing. And I'd go right back to my slumber. And if T called, it be just as well as talking to Shanny or Ikea, I'd go right back into a state of depression. And if Alex called, I'd dwell on how superficial and slutty, I really am. And then, go into "what if's" and "if I could do it again's" and I regret what I did, but I hate looking back and feeling the regret. And I may be wrong for that, but I'd take pissing someone else off, and just feeling relieved or something, over the regret. Regrets and apologies, and intense mess ups, stay with you. If I feel nothing, maybe it makes it easier. Or maybe it's just...a breath away from not having to remember. My apologies/ regrets 1) I'm sorry I can not like Sara 2) I'm sorry I am so mad that I feel emptiness. 3) I'm sorry I didn't go to school, otherwise, I wouldn't have to be sorry for what's next. 4) I'm sorry me and alex got so...caught in the moment Wednesday. 5) I'm sorry I get so mad and worked up by immaturity 6) I'm sorry I EVER liked Juan b/c he can be an azz 7) I'm sorry I lead ppl on for pleasure, just to bring them to certain pain 8) I'm sorry I may still have feelings for my ex, and call his lil brother my "son-son" 9) I'm sorry my mom forgot to take me to the special game. 10)I'm sorry I can't bust the grades like Michelle, yet have such a good grade in English like her. Maybe it's offensive. _____________________________________ Well, I just don't feel like apologizing anymore. More things to think about. Got very little sleep, just enough to feul my way to the next day. I'll be downstairs watching Save The Last Dance and probably seeing if I have text messages. Later. _____________________________________ --God blessed me with an angel, and I hate to share her, but I see now that I must let her fly, or else she'll fly alone.-- -x0x-Ki-:-Ki-xOx