i put on a facade today. i pretended to be gleefully happy, whilst all the time inside thinking not-so-very-happy thoughts. thoughts about my family in south africa and the shit that's happening with them, thoughts about my cousin and whether she's even alive, thoughts about how i feel so unlovEd, thoughts about not recieving what i feel would be adequite affection from the girl who is on the recieving end of my affections, et cetera. putting on the facade helps, it makes other people more comfortable around me, thusly making it easier for me to function properly in discomfort. if that makes no sense, fuck you. i need love. if anyone wants to give me love, feel free and don't be shy with the love, i could use more than you'd imagine.