i feel fucked. i have a new favourite drug. i stayed at festival for 2 and a half days. i want to see pearl jam, who are on very soon. how depressing. i'm getting tix for next years fest, but it just won't be the same. i plan to deal to make money for fest next year. i've recently acquired all of the lenore graphic novels. actually, i've only got wedgies, but noogies and cooties should be here tomorrow. actually, that's ok, cos wedgies is the one with the strip where lenore goes, 'fishies go pook pook pook'. i'm currently sort of scared to commit to any type of relationship, because, well, i feel like all of my relationships, friendships and all, seem to be going to hell. i'm listening to sonic youth. earlier i was listening to a girl band called robots in disguise. i really like them. i'm getting into the whole indie scene type thing. maybe that's the direction i'll end up taking my re-invention in. i don't know what's going on with a girl that i'm not actually sure whether or not i'm officially seeing now. i have a crush on someone else. i shared an amazing experience with a friend who i bond with a little more every time i do spend time with him. i feel horrible, because i didn't explain the downsides to extacy, and i didn't know it was his first, but by the time i'd found out, he'd already done 5 pills. i chewed out half of the inside of my left cheek that night. i snorted half a pill yesterday. before i went to bed. i started coming up in bed, so it sucked. the guy said it was called a '60's x-box', a triangle pill with an x in the middle. i still have some gear to smoke. it was worth a fortune this weekend, the festival was VERY dry in terms of cannibus. but i kept it and i shared some of it with some new people who i like very much now. i've been very depressed lately. i can't wait to get back to college and for life to return to normalcy. is there such a thing as normalcy? i don't see the merit in carrying on, but i'm also curious to see what i can make of the hand i've been dealt. it's a shit hand. we're talking, uh, a 2 of clubs, a 3 of hearts, a 7 of hearts, a 9 of diamonds and a king of spades. a pretty shit hand. actually, that kind of defeats the object of me re-inventing myself. i guess in a sense, i've folded that hand and i'm waiting to be dealt a new hand. christ, i can't think straight. i might have a bit of a smoke later. i'm tempted to ask my sister to join me, but i think she's a bit prudish. my family are going to brighton tomorrow. i can't be fucked to spend 4 hours in a car with my mom and stepdad arguing all the way there and back. i'd love to go to brighton though. maybe i'd see pete. simone'll get a picture of him and make me jealous. ah well. i'm still not going. family outings with my family are crap. well, usually fairly crap anyway. : P