I will always make things so much worse than they are... So Twana [my supervisor at JCPenney] called my cell phone and I wasn't able to pick it up because a. my phone was on vibrate and b. I was driving so I wouldn't have picked it up anyway. But yeah.. I got her voicemail when I was in Barnes and Noble and she said that there's a meeting at six tomorrow. We already had one meeting in which we were told that we had 30 days and then we would be evaluated. So now all I can think about is that the first job of mine is about to end just as quick as it started. And if it happened I really wouldn't be surprised just because it's how my life works. Ever since I can remember bad things after the next follow me. So if I end up getting fired tomorrow then well... 'I told you so' just won't be good enough. I think I'm making it out worse than what it really is too though because that's who I am. It's only been an hour since I received the message and I've already started to think about all the reasons why it's being called and what will come of it and everything like that. I really should stop finding the worst out of EVERYTHING and just take it as it is. It sounds a lot harder than what I say though.. god. I'm still freaking out over it. If Twana doesn't call me back by tonight then I'm going to be thinking about the meeting all day and pretty much nothing else.. I just know it especially since that's all I can think about now. Should I ask her if it's a department meeting or just me? Ugh... I really do hate how my life will never fail to 'go against' me sometimes. Anyway... little updates of Jess' life. - My brothers and madre are getting baptized next week... and I better not get fired or it will be me too. I still have to talk to my mom about what I believe in so she will realize the fact that maybe her daughter doesn't feel the same way she does about church and attending it. I don't know how she's going to take it... - I realized that most of my friends at school don't even know the /real/ me... - I also realized I don't know what I plan on doing with my life... and most people I know already know what major they want and then what job they plan to get with that major. I don't know either... and it really makes me feel ill prepared. - Jack, teh cat, has been acting really weird lately and that's starting to creep me out too. She hasn't moved from the one spot on my bed since last night and she only got put there by my mom. I haven't seen her eat anything in a week and about three days ago she wasn't able to put any weight on her leg. I don't want to be stuck with just Will because he smells like whoa and he's the cat who doesn't always use the litter box. - School has been overwhelming.. and I KNOW college will be harder and more work but I'm not in college right now so don't give me that line. - I still miss him so much....... - I'm in desperate need of a new hair color... - My mom got a '03 Ford Focus that I get to drive until she hears from the insurance people about his PT Cruiser. I really like it a lot and it's so effin easy to park in it. yay. - I have two research papers to write and I haven't really started on either... and I don't know why I haven't either. I need something/someone for motivation.. and NOW. - I miss Monica... she's probably one of the two people that I could tell whatever I'm freaking out about to and would at least care what I'm saying if she doesn't have something to say. Laura is another one of those people. If they both moved down here I would be the happiest person in the world.. - I have a habit of lusting after guys who will never notice me... like Alberto. Nevermind the fact he can barely speak English.. I still stare at him and just wish that he would at least say hi to me. - I got called a nerd today by Mr. Leonard.. haha. It was pretty funny. And that's about it in Jess' life... I still have a job at the moment that takes up my life on the weekends [not that I had a life on the weekends anyway], school takes up my weekdays, and the most excitement out of my day is when The Daily Show comes on at 11. Pretty sad... Oh, and if I do get fired by tomorrow someone give me their number so I can call you and cry to you because I know it's going to happen. Not just because I got fired but because then I feel the weight of everything else. That's why I started crying and couldn't stop when I was having problems with the Sonata. It wasn't the car I was crying over... it was everything else going on and then the car. Again, that's how I work.. when something [somewhat] bad happens then all the other bad things come back and there's the non-stop flooding of tears. So yeah... Monica or Laura you guys better expect to get a call. hah.. edit: the tears are already starting... and the hands are shaking so it's hard to get this typed right now... i seriously need some help. i haven't even gone to the meeting yet... this is not good.