I don't know what to do anymore.. I know I can talk to people but I don't know what to say. I mean, I have things I want to say but how will telling them anything help me at all? I feel so lost with everything that has happened. Each day at 11:30 I keep expecting Tom to walk in from work and we talk about random stuff that happened but he never comes in. He never will, I know that... but yet I still look at the garage door when that time comes. WHY? He wasn't supposed to die yet. Yeah, he did have some heart problems earlier before we left but he was supposed to be better. Why does death have to be so freakin unprepared? Why can't we at least get a warning? So then maybe the people left behind can be prepared.. is that too hard to ask? Life fucking sucks. I've been helping my mom out a lot more than before. We've become closer too, which in the end will be a benefit but I can't get over what is going on now and who isn't here. Money is tight.. my mom is a single mom and my dad still had the balls to say "He wasn't anything to you guys." I fucking hate him. It's so hard to adapt to changes around here. There's no denything them of course, just so hard to accept. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm gone. Much love.