some things i just can't stand anymore. i dont want to deal with it, but i have to if i still want to be with him. he wasn't like this in the beginning it all started, so WHY NOW? why wait sooo long for this to all come out, by the time i'm so in love with you that i cant ever leave you. i cant live without you, i cant breathe without you. i go crazy. i have no friends after all this, after everything.. i can't just leave you after what we've been through. but the do i really want to go through this all teh time? maybe it will be different when we move out and were together a lot, who knows. but i dont want to let this keep going on and on and have it harder to leave you, or not be with you in teh future. basically, the longer we wait, the harder it gets. then after we stop all this, we talk later..and you're a totallly different person. reasonable, everything.. but I'M still holding that grudge. i can't get over it, its just who i am. and i cant change that because trust me, i've tried plenty of times.. i dont want to be like this but for some reason i can't change. nothign seems to go our way, no matter how hard we try. and today.. how could i be so stupid? i regret everything or how it all started at least.. god sometimes i need serious help. i do, i serisouly do. why would i live for today and not tomorrow? i know we all should live for the moment, but what if that one moments depends and predicts our future? and that moment isn't a good decision? fucccckkk meeee. i'm sooo dummbbbb. i really should start thinking, but then again, i do.. and i just say it can't happen to me. mmm, this music is so relaxing. i love that. i need it more i think. i think i need a fucking friend. when i get lke this, i cant wait for july. for the end of graduation. i cant fucking wait. i just want to fast forward and fucking graduate, be with my best friend, and i will enver ever ever leave. but then, i dont want to graduate. fuckkk god i hate being the way i am. i really do. and i hate feeling "sorry for myself" as robb would call it, but im not even trying. its just my condition, alright? and i hate making that excuse. is that even an excuse? i wish science was right. i hope it is. i am filling otu so many scholarship applications and doing so many damn essays. good thing im pretty good at english, i need them badlllyyyyskldhfjdsh. oh god and now here comes the song, listen to your hearrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttt. haha god i feel sooo stupiddd i cant help but laugh at myself. where did my life serisouly start to spiin out of ocntrol? no friends? and apparently my priorities are out of order says my mom. oh, but i have a little higher than a 3.0 GPA, haaaaaa and im going to college, FIRST ONE IN THE FAMILY BY THE WAY. AHHAHAHA FUCK HER GOD FUCK HER FUCKKK HER. jesus christ, what about prom? after prom? GRAD night? fsdjkhfjksdhjkfhsdjkfhjklshfjksd i dotn even want to help her out with anything. she really pisses me the fuck off. sometimes im afraid ill be just like her, ew. please kill me before that happens. texting is a lot better than a phone call. except when its with my best friend, than id rather be on the phone. its funny how anybody else i could just ignore but with my swedish fish i cant live a day without. when i think about her, my life really isnt as bad as i put it. i really think if i didnt have her, i would go crazy and honestly consider putting myself away. i love how some people are just meant to be in your life.