i want my boyfriend to see me. i want him to spend time with me. the excuses aren't cutting it for me anymore. i don't feel like i'm in a relationship and i don't feel cared about, wanted, or loved. i need someone i can connect with, but i don't feel that way with him at all. we don't connect. he's not there for me at all, whatsoever. he's pissy and bipolar and selfish and ignorant. i want him to believe me, but he never does.i don't want the 15 minute breaks or the 2 hour days. i want a whole fucking day. i want to do something special. sometimes i think this trip i'm spending so much money on is a waste of money and time. because i know i won't get anything in return and i know he isn't going to be any nicer to me. shit just isn't working out. i hate saying that and i never thought the day would come for me to say that. but it is. it has come. now the day is slowly creeping by where it's just going to end and i know i have to be the one to do it. it's all up in the air right now. fate and time. ?