i have no idea where to start.= how bout from this morning.. well, i woke up..went online and talked to cassidy :) yay.andd then signed off,hung out with shaynee and we played monopoly.she beat me! :( that will be her first and last time ever winning.lol.after that it was like 2:30 and i had to go babysit.i got home around 5:00. by that time my mom came home from work and i was online.she told me to get off because seh needed to use the phone.after she got off the phone i was downstairs and just waiting for me and shaynees food to be done. then she sat right next to me, looked me in the eye and said "elisha,we need to talk about your birthday" she said it so dead serious it was scary,lol.and yeah..you guys might not think that this is a big problem but it is to me! anyways.. she told me that some guy had called her earlier today at work and asked her if she was related to Jamie Tonet.Of coarse she said yes because shes my sister and my moms daughter.The guy on the phone told my mom that jamie was in debt,and she needs help with her money.she hasnt paid some of her bills. my heart literally broke into two. the guy asked my mom if she wanted to help her, and of coarse my mom said yes.my mom asked which one needed to be paid ASAP, and he said the 300.00 one,so my mom told him to take that out of her bank account and use it to help jamie and pay that off.=( this is the part about my birthday, so my mom tells me "now i only have about 100.00 to spend on your birthday and for yours and shaynees shoes for this year." i almost started crying right then.my sister jamie has been through SO much it hurts.she has a daughter breanna who she happens to raise all by herself and she sends her to a christian school to make sure its best for her.Jamie and Jason use to be engaged,they never got married because jason really fucked up before they got married.so the engagement was off. but now jason doesnt even help with her.jamie use to work at vons,but the union decided to go on strike..and it wasnt her decision NOT to strike.so she had to, she lost so much money by doing that.and since she never went to college,she cant get a good job now a days.she has NO skills.she doesnt even have typing skills.she works at this crappy job whre she just answers the phone all day.i feel so bad, because I make more money than jamie does in a WEEK.if jamie doesnt get a roommate,she might end up having to live with us.and we have literally NO ROOM for her OR breanna.if she ended up moving in with us, gene would have to move out and life on the boat that he has.i would have to sleep in shaynees room and jamie and breanna would move into my room. My mom had gotten off the phone with jamie earlier and she was crying her eyes out saying she didnt know what to do.Jamie is such a good person,sister and daughter..she doesnt deserve this.she had a disease about a year ago, and im so glad she survived it.But now shaynee might have it =( my mom lately has been having these pains in her chest.when she laughs,breathes, she says she feels the chest pains kill her.she says it hurts to talk.if my mom dies i dont know what id do. my brother dylan lives in orange county and doesnt even live in his own fucking house.Ryan and Christy CANT afford to keep me or shaynee with them.espically with the two kids they have..and TREVOR! he has special needs and omg,its terrible. this whole entry has made me cry.i cant help but cry.cry the pain a w a y. jamie doesnt deserve this.nobody does. i think this is why i stopped going to church awhile ago,this is why i wont go to seminary, this is why i wont pray.. i feel like god is punishing my family. nobody fucking tell me different because all my family has gone through these years was pain.i literally feel my heart breaking i really need to go out and surf, just surf my problems away..that would be the best thing for me right now. -i never know what the future brings but i know that your here with me now-