this weekend has sucked. i can NEVER find true friends. at least not in camarillo. i hate it. FRIDAY- Me & travis went to Santa Monica to meet up with my swedish fish♥ Jenn.< 3 it was a lot of fun. we only got to hang out for an hour, but it was still a lot of fun. i was a bit upset that i didn't get to punch some bitch in the face, but it's okay. because she is ugly and always will be. :] when it was time for jenn to go, me and travis left to go back home. on our way back melanie called me and we planned that her,marissa and me were all going to go to the ventura vs. camarillo game that night, and i was going to spend the night at their house. my mom dropped me off at their house and we went to the game. marissa ignored me the whole time, she was being a huuuge bitch at the game. she ended up ditching me for jandrea. so me and melanie shrugged it off and started walking over to the ventura side.all of my friends in camarillo know that i moved there from ventura, so as me and melanie were walking over to the ventura side, all my friends that i saw came up to me and was like VENTURA FUCKING SUCKS. um..OKAY? like i give a shit what you think bitch. it's a fucking game and city. get over yourself. then about 20 minutes later, melanies best friend jessica got to the game and melanie ended up ditching me for jessica. so i called travis and just left the game. i was so sick of them ignoreing me and ditching me all night. travis ended up coming to the game like the sweetheart he is♥ and we hung out until the game was over. the game ended around 900, so i waited for melanie nad marissa in front of the school so we could walk back up to their house together. they never showed up in front of the school. i waited until it was about 10, and by then..i knew they had left without me or whatever the fuck they did. i had no choice but to walk my fatass all the way home, i can't walk back to their house alone. because first of all, melanie wasn't even suppose to be going to the game...she snuck out. and if i came back without marissa, their parents would be questioning me and shit why we didn't "stick together" and a bunch of bullshit. sdjkfhsjkhfjksdaf it fucking sucked. travis offereed to drive me home, seeing as my house is at least 10 miles away from the school, maybe even a little more than that. but i said no and that i'd be fine. i ended up walking home, and travis WATCHED ME walk home. um, what the fuck was he thinking? i'm 5'2 and cannot defend myself when it comes to a fucking rapist trying to kill me. or whatever. how dick of him..serisouly. i couldn't believe he let me walk home. AND HE KNOWS HOW FUCKING FAR MY HOUSE IS. what kind of BOYFRIEND does that? if you LOVE someone, you should care about their safety and um..walking home alone about 10 miles away, around 1030 at night, is fucking ridiculious. he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend at all. that serisouly just showed me how much he doesn't care about me. at all. i ended up calling danielle to see if her boyfriend brandon could pick me up and take me home, but he was working. i was crying my eyes out. for FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT. erika called me and told me that melanie and marissa left the game early to go SMOKE AND DRINK. thank you god for giving me wonderful friends. THANK YOU. honestly. there is a lot more that goes to this but i really don't feel like typing a bunch of shit. anyways, to make a long story short... travis and craig came over yesterday and travis acted like EVERYTHING WAS FINE. did he even ask if i got home okay? if anything went wrong? nooope. he is the worlds biggest jackass ever. i serisouly fucking hate him right now. thinking about it makes me sick. what kind of boyfriends lets the girl they supposedly "LOVE" walk home 10 miles at night? i ended getting home around 1:00 A.M. last night travis called me to say goodnigght. he knew i was mad at him. so we agreed to talk about it the next day. he said he would call me when he woke up. did he? nope. did he call me at ALL today? nope. why. honestly. what the fuck did i do to deserve him to treat me like this? and now he is putting up ridiculious away messages saying how he misses me. when he can't even INSTANT MESSAGE ME. i want to break up with him. but i can't. it's so hard. like i still love him. but after what happened. i dont know if i can take it anymore. i don't even know who my friends are these days. i hate myself. i want to go to somis academy, so i avoid school. i want to move out of this shitty ass place. i just want a new life.