So, im sitting here doing research on a Health Project and Spanish project. School is tough on me this year. so are many other things. like hockey. Today we had no practice. THANK GOD! I needed time to do things tonight and i got it. so im happy for the mean time. But i have alot of other things to do. like pick up my check, visit my grandma, clean my room,call richy and Karina and study for tests. I wanted to write in here earlier this week, even last week. My grandpa died Sept.18. while i was at work. It doesnt quite seem to have sunken in yet. But it is very different saying that im going to visit my grandma and not grandparents. The week was hard, i missed alot of school and now im swamped in work. SOMEONE GIVE ME A BREAK! There isnt a night i dont have alot homework. ANYwho- the death of my pappy has made me really strong and independent. and also im more religous. I have hope hes in heaven. WEll, my Spanish class kills. Literally. Who knows how i will pass that class. and Mr. kierta is a dick. I like my art class but i dont think the teacher likes me just my work. allied health has shown me what i want to be when i graduate and World Cultures is a pain in my arse. Charles is wonderful. 11 months on the 5 of oct. Homecoming is next weekend. MY birthday is friday and hes' coming up along with some other friends. ill be 17. Charles will be spending the night with me so Friday will be a nonstressful day. So for now, i think im going to go. DAd just got home and I need to focus on research. ta-ta

hey ya'll. i need to write in here more often. This has been an extremely long summer. ugh. School starts less than 2 weeks. and i dont want to go. I've had a really good summer. Hockey pre-season started today. I actually did very well. Im happy that i tried my best and didnt complain and i really enjoy hockey so i hope we have a good season. So, yea...about my life as of now....IM GETTING A CAR! a 96 jetta. woop woop. Charles and I are doing WONDERFUL! 9 months...going on 10. i think thats it for now... later

So wow, its August already. School is just around the corner. AND MAY I ADD THIS SUMMER HAS GONE WAY TOO FAST!! Pre-season for Hockey is on its way. great.. i got the schedule off the School's site. IT's a trip. We do have coaches now. thank god. I went to practice last night. Wasnt too bad considering i didnt try to hard cus we were playing middle school and there were so many that is was imposible to get the ball or get around them ..lol. Im so thankful that i dont have to work until Saturday. I worked THURSDAy,FRIDAY,SATURDAY,and SUNDAY. So, i have the shits of Burger King you could say. But i dont get my paycheck today. which should be a hefty one at that. Saturday, Charles picked me up after work and we went to the fair with Josh and Carol for a double date. We went to see the Battle of the Bands. but unfortunately no band stuck out that much. Most of it was either not on beat or cliche. Besides that the night was fun. Charles spent the night and we stayed up watching The cartoon version of hercules. i fell asleep during it and woke up covered in blankets because it was cold in the house because of the air condiioning. Then the next day we just hung out and he took me to work before he went home. Yesterday, I went to Carin's and nelson took us to help her parellel park for her test. She did good. Then we went to hockey and picked up Jess Gantz and went home. So, today, im going to get my eyebrows waxed and to tan and then at 4 im meeting Charles at Sheetz and going to his place for the night. So, today shall be good. later

so..since Monday I have been incredibly busy. And, Im kinda sick of it. Monday- Carin and I went to practice and it was freaking hot. We scrimmaged and i just about fainted. Then we heard about Logan Noris's mother having a heart attack in the heat. (which scared me alot) And she actually died. so my best wishes go out to that family. Then me and carin went to the fair. IT WAS EVEN HOTTER!!! We didnt really see anybody except for a few. it was kinda boring. so, we left for the night and carin spent the night cus her parents were out trying to find out about Logan's mother. Tuesday- We dropped carin off at home at 1. Then we went to pick up Autumn. and i may add that i was really tired. But we went to the fair again that night. We didnt have that bad of a time but my legs hurt. So, then we left about 10:30. Yesterday- I promised i wasnt going to the fair but i , did. Carin and i were so damn bored. Ive been so damn lazy and tired. So today im staying home and tomara. I work 5-9 tonight. Which isnt bad at all. So im going to clean my room and read that book i need to get done for Honors Eng. and then i'll just..prob get to work by then. I cant wait untill Saturday!!! Charles is coming over!! for his 17th b-day. I cant wait to give him his gift. well thats really it for this entry. later

i guess im kind of growing out of sitdiary. It seems i rarely write in here, and rarely get comments because of it. I mean right now im at the highlight of my life i've got friends, a job, im happy, and a wonderful boyfriend. But since i am in here and i do like to write, i shall. lol. so...since my surgery things have been great. i thought maybe i'd have some down time because of it but things are fine and dandy like cotton candy. So, yesterday I stayed home because my mom was having a teacher get to gether. lol. you'd love to know what teacher 'actually do'. lmao. But there were some cute kids to play with and i told Charles he should come up. It was a really good day for me and charles. I'd say one of the best. When i saw him wednesday i knew things were a little rocky because i was getting use to seeing him again because he was gone over a month to see his dad in Chicago. But things are fine and back to the usual us. infact maybe a better us to. We seem to grow and grow...ya know? lol. well anywho, today im going to hockey practice with carin and then after that im going to the first day of the Shippensburg Fair. I hope we soon find a hockey coach. AND I DONT WANT MRS KUNTZ!!!!!! ERG. i wont play if shes the coach again. ok well i shant be going now! toot a lou

ha well...since i last wrote in here.. friday- i went shopping, it was a long day. lol. i got a lot of nice clothes. cheap too. saturday- charles and reg picked me up to go to regg's house. so, me, regg, charles, and capri all hung out. Capri wanted to go to Twang since i told her i was going and that it was the last night for the summer to go. so around 5 charles took her and i to carins and from then on we went to twang and hung out with jason. i liked twang, but i got tired and i was still in pain from surgery. mom and i got in a really big fight that night. if she would have stopped the car, i would have walked home. no doubt about it. yesterday, i woke up at 12:30, and went for a run. and then talked to charles. made a hemp necklace and it ended up to be time to work already. it was a fast day. and last night i talked to charles as usual for a long time and then i just got up here around 10:45 and tired to call carol but no one is answering her phone...hmmmm.. well i guess ill try later. TASHA- hey! lol. i dont know the exact date for when pre season starts.I do know its early August. You should go to Hockey tonight at the Middle School field. 6-7:30. WE can find out pre seasom dates tonight and also Coach Wilmet will probably tell us if she is able to coach us this year. But if you dont come tonight then i'll let you now facts on here tomorrow. later

well, charles just left... he was here from yesterday at 1 to 3 today. im lonely. im so use to him here and now i have no one to talk too! but im so glad that i finally got to see him!!!!! AHHH! lol. well i guess tommorow im going shopping. yay. with carin. so thats cool....um well i think i might go take a nap, im kinda tired. i didnt really sleep last night, so im going to go. later

so im sitting here with carol eating chicken noodle soup. i got back from surgery at like 3 0r 3:30... im not really tired actually so im not too bad! woo woo...um im going to go now cus my hand hurts... later

well i just got home like 2 hours ago! Mom took me to Autumn's mom's house in Carlisle early Saturday morning. We went to Hershey Park! woop woop. lol. I was so tired. I didnt get to ride the Stormrunner!!! DAMN IT! ah well next time... I miss Charles. I didnt get to talk to him last night because of getting home so early. I love him and cant wait to see him wednesday. so anywho...today i went on a walk with Jamie and Autumn before coming home. WE went to the park. and well im home right now..and kinda bored lol. Im tired though too. Tomara im going to Hockey Practice..by the way who was that left that comment about hockey practice?..? ahh well. i should be going incase anyone calls me. later

not counting today..its 4 days until charles comes back! yay! lol. geez babe i miss you more than i ever could of expected! i want you here with me. however, i have a couple of days until what i want; i get. i love you. well well well...today seems boring. i dont work until friday..which seems to be taking forever. i hope they didnt get my surgery date mixed up with this week instead of next week. if so, not my fault. and so i must tell you all that i will be getting surgery on the 12th. its very minor but also private. sorry. im a littel scared thought because i have never had surgery and i wont be awake ofcourse so im a bit scared... but isnt that normal? i hope so. So far the summer is doing alright. I'd say mediocker. Could be better, Could be worse. So i think ill keep its this way. I havent really kept in touch with many of my friends. I suppose i should give Jen a call and Karina. But im kinda mad about Capri and Regg. They havent called me at all. And it seems like i have to cal them. Hello? memeber me, jess? lol. i suppose ill call them tonight. OOOO im going to Hershey Park this weekend...well hopefully. cross my fingers, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye! lol. Wow i cant wait for warped tour. Charles and I are going together. It'll be my first warped tour. woopie. well i dont have much to say anymore. i just need to write in here more. I think im going to go do my daily hockey workout that the coach has assigned for us. Then, take a shower and...well read for Honors English. WHat happened when summer use to be fun and no school work?????!! alright...later.. jess

im bored, im bored! i have nothing to do today. nothing. and ive been so busy for the past 2 weeks. erg. i guess tomara i might hang out with carin for a little bit until i go to work at 5. Saturday is the fair. and im spending that night with carin, nelson, carol and maybe richy. charles is coming home the 16th but now possibly a little earlier since his sister maybe leaving for college then and he wants to see his sister before she leaves for college. so yay for me! its only a couple of days like 3 but thats better than nothing. anywho i think im going to go call capri. i havent talked to her forever it seems because shes been in RI. alrighty....ttyl later

well...umm.. i just got my first paycheck. hello 105 dollars! whoop whoop. anywho my summer is actually going ok. except that i miss charles a whole hell of a lot. hes not coming home until the 16th of july. i cant wait until then. anywho..carin is coming up later...shes spending the night. theres a fair this weekend. and carol is home! yaya. so ill be with her soon enough. thanks for the comment- haha. later

hah.. im burnt to a chicken fry crisp! ok enough of hick talk. well last night charles called me. i got to talk to him for only a half an hour but thats the longest we've talked all day.. well guess what he just called. i do this entry some other time.... later

well, its about 7:02 and im bored out of my mind. Summer doesnt feel like summer. Nor do i feel like myself lately. i miss you, charles. I did nothing today. absolutely nothing. All ive been thinking about his Charles. My summer is going to be shitty. I dont feel like doing anything. I dont want to be home but when i do everything feels unfamiliar cus i keep going places. So then i stay home for a day and im bored out of my mind and are completely depressed. ah. im just going to go now. later

on a wednesday morning i wake up at 9:41. Im eat cereal and a banana. Im ready to going tanning already. Then later i will clean for mom and do trash. Hopefully later charles will call me. good morning. later.

well today i got up at 7 even though i was suppose to get up at 6! lol. i was on late with charles on the phone last night. so i over slept. but i just decided ill stay up as late as i can because i havent talked to him much at all. So, yea, i had a half an hour to get ready before carin came to pick me up for longwood gardens. but i made it! it was so damn hot today. but i had fun. And after we came home we hung out at her house and were going to go to the park but 'someone' was there that i probably just shouln't speak to. Im not trying to be immature or anything. It's just the way it should be consuming the circumstances.Then Nelson came over and we washed his car and then he took me home. Then Mom and i had to go to Walmart. yay! and now im here. Charles called me but he couldnt talk. again. because he was going fishing and he wouldnt have service. im not mad, just really really upset. i miss him alot. more than i thought. not to be mean. but i thought i could handle this easier than i am. He'll be back sooner than i know it, but i just miss hearing his voice. ok goodnight everyone. later

well well, school is out for the summer. and what a boring summer it will be. on the last day of school i had to work! wonderful. eh, not really. then friday i decided to call charles about like 10 in the mornning and leave him a nice message on his phone while he was in school. he picked up the phone. which i didnt understand. and then all i heard was ' i have a half day,im with my dad, bye' great, shut down #1. so then i went to carins for the day. we went to richy's to see if he was going to the fair. inwhich he was. so then we waited until 6 and went to the fair. it sucked. lol. it was a bunch of really hick people. so we left at 9 or earlier. i cant remember. then nelson,carin,me and richy went up behind nelson's house b/c jason was back there camping out. so we went back there. and there was a nice bonfire. i had fun. i just pretty much sat and talked. everyone else drank. but i didnt cus i dont and b/c im faithful. then carin showed her boobs to jason , nelson and a 60yr old man. lol,ew. then i called my mom and told her id be home soon. she said charles called around 3. so that made me happy b/c i couldnt get my mind off of him. and so then i called him. but it was another quick convo. really no convo at all.all i remeber is me telling him to call me tommorow. then after that i went home. yesterday, i went to capri/reggies house. it was fun. i was being stupid as usual. but i just really want to talk to charles. cus i dont even know where he is right now. plus its the first saturday that i couldnt see him. so i called him at reggies. he didnt pick up the phone. i left a message. then i just got bored and kinda upset. so then later on i called him again and his phone was off so i left another message. and then next thing i know its time to leave. so me and richy packed up our stuff and headed home. mom would let me hang out with richy and adler for the night so i went to the fair and met carin there. i made 5 bucks. dancing in front of old people and smacking my ass. but carin hasnt given it to me yet. lol.then we met up with maria and becca. and watched fireworks, so i called charles one last time. and phone wasnt still on. and i never recieved a call from him that night. never. im upset. is he going to ever call me? or do i have to wait until he gets back now? i dunno. i love you. later

well today was boring. no doubt that i failed my algebra 2 final. i dont have anything really to say...hmph well i have to go to work at 4. it sucks. ok later jess

man, o man, school is out in 2 half days. where did this year go? IT WENT SO FAST! but i say that about them all. hehe. well, to update you on my life since my last entry was on friday. SATURDAY- i got to see my beloved, charles. hehe. i came over for his sister's graduation. which i thought was fun. i got to meet alot of their nice relatives and friends. but also me and charles got some time alone ofcourse. that was the last day that ill get to see him b/4 he goes to his dad's. :( and i wont see him until july. ill miss him. i acutally want to see him right now. SUNDAY- i study for some upcoming finals. then i had work from 5-9. i hate burger king. it was such a drag and my manager ryan, treated me like shit that night. it was only my third day working there, give me a fucking break. geezum. MONDAY- i had my last full day of school. It went really fast, i know for sure. Anywho, i got home and nate and i went up to shanes to visit him and richy. we picked up caleb on the way there. but richy wasnt home. and shit, did it storm yesterday! caleb and i went outsidea nd then ran back into the kitchen and i feel flat on my ass and hit my head on the kitchen floor. then aaron came over. and we just hung out until we could leave when the storm was over. man, i thought i had a concussion. but i think im ok. then i got home and tried to study spanish and not only a half an hour into it, richy came over. so we hung out then took him home . and i called charles. and talked to him for the rest of the night as usual. TUESDAY- i had my music app. and spanish finals. and really thats it. o yea, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARIN! hopefully im getting together with her later. yup yup i got my schedule...and well...i need it to be changed... later jess

yup, so that means they stick out like a sore thumb. im upset. really upset. EXTREMEMLY upset. i feel like i have so many damn flaws, that how could any love me? or be a friend of mine? i dont know why but i feel everyone hates me. or secretly tells my other friends things beside me b/c...im not a good friend. i feel like an awful person. and now my best friend...well shes holding some secret in. inwhich i think i know it but id like her to tell me b/4 me assuming. she wont tell me, but has told a few other friends. friends that shes only been friends with for a year or 2. but now, she didnt tell me. her best friend of 5 years. because...im annnoying? im judgemental? im make big scenes? im not trustworthy? when did i become such a horrible person that i didnt even notice such big flaws. do i deserve to be treated like this? or not? am i taking this all too personal? or not? i dont know. but i am upset, and would like to know what she is holding back from me. i told her that when shes ready she'll tell me. i know that would be me being a good friend. but i really want to know. i have a feeling she will never tell me. if she doesnt tell me as the first person, the person she promised to tell, then she will never. later