man this has been an odd weekend. my old babysitters son died friday, may 14th. in a car accident. ive grown up with his little brother and my brothers are GREAT friends with him also. and use to hang out with nate( the one who died) its just so odd. i never thought this would happen. this is the 2nd reck this year ,takeing two lives also. they live down the road from me. i feel awful. now i think im living each day as my last. and when i get in cars with my friends..im wearing a seat belt, making sure they drive at the speed limit and arent goofying off or not paying attention to the road. i dont want to die so soon in life. i want to have a family and job and die of old age. i want to live the life i was given. reality doesnt set in too good for me...so im still kinda not believeing its true. well i went to church saturday. the first in a long time. i prayed for his family and for anyone else who has lost someone special in an accident. i just hope this never happens to me. i love my family and friends to much. well saturday i was so paranoid ((as usual)) b/c i went shopping with my grandma and i didnt feel like riding in any car what so ever. i was jumpy the whole day bout accidents and dieing. i wonder if there is a life after death? why do we have to die? when we die.. i just dont understand its like...we're gone forever.no longer living in this world, we know nothing has happened at all. we are blank, we are clueless, we are dead. im so curious how it feels to die. but i dont want to experience it. i dont know what the meaning of death is or its purpose. you can die in accidents, illness, murders, suicidals,or the world ending, nuclear bombings,running out of water/starvation,or a huge meteorite hitting the surface of earth. seriously...so many ways to die. but why???? cant we all just live a happy life then die of old age. or better yet live for ever. cant life be everlasting? i dont know any of these answers..but all i know is i cherish everyone in my life and what i have. never take things for granted..they can be taken away easily. and be aware of everything possible. never take a chance of doing something wrong then regreting it. im saying live life on the edge..take chances..just do not take a chance that can jeopardize your life. b/c we were given life for a reason and the reason was not to take it away..but to keep it and love it. R.I.P. Nathan Hockenberry -May 16,2004- ((you will be missed)) jess