well friday melisa and i got a ride from jesse to melisa'a house. we went to giant and shit. bryan was in the car but we didnt really talk. i said i didnt have a problem with him and he said same. but i think i was owed an apology but im not goin to go out of my way to get it. so fuck it all. but i cant help to see that maybe him and melisa have something going on between them two. b/c they flirt alot and have kissed. but she has a b/f which adores her. and he knows that. but if he splits them up..i will be pissed cus i have never seen a more perfect couple ever.so that worries me. i know shes worried of falling in love again but all she has to do is stop worrying cus she is right there. and i think shell screw it up cus she doesnt know what to do cus she so damn scared. well all i have to say is dont be scared!!!! and bryan's friend jesses seems really cool and nice and i really wonder why he doesnt have a girlfriend. hes really nice. but anyway bout melisa, her and i are exactly alike. we are afraid b/c of our past relationship that left us heartbroken and afraid. tahts why i dont date anymore, i mean there are guys i like but i dont ever date them. it takes awhile for me to be comfortable and plus im really picky cus im afraid they will be just like tyler. but yea anyway melisa and i went to her house and hung out there for a lil and talked then we went out to eat then grocery shopping and saw jesse again. and we kept saying 'u got nice heels' lol. cus you know how the damn preps wear high heels nd shit with their jeans..well we saw some older woman with heels but they actaully looked good so we just started saying that. then later on we went bowling with autumn and melisa's b/f gavyn. geez they are so perfect. then we got home and went in the jacuzzi. and mel told gav that she kissed bryan so they had been kinda fighting the whole night , but he forgave her!!! what a great b/f. but then bry called her house the next day and she acted like she liked him and shit again and he told her he liked her. but she says she doesnt like him which is a lie.and then she wanted to go to his house but gav said not to. and something will happen if she goes over theere and she knows it. and this leads me to point of this entry. honesty is everything. you do anything with in reason and be honest and tell me and i will forgive you. honesty is the key to al my friendships. if i cant trust you than there is no friendship. and i think melisa is lieing to me. i have great respect with ppl who are honest. even my enemies if you tell me how you feel bout me to my face, i respect you, cus instead doing it behind my back. like sam, you told me how u felt and i did the same. whether we dont get along and i dont really agree with you with what you say but atleast you tell me. ha but i dont know how to deal with my anger anymore. like do i keep it to myself or talk bout it>>>b/c sometimes if i talk bout it,it gets worse cus i think of it more and same with not talking bout it. so how do you deal? geez. well today i went to get a few things and i got some good posters and the incubus cd. i also have a bunch of this pocket size pics of celebs and bands so i took them of my wall and made a calouge (cant spell)and taped them on my dresser. its really cool but hard to explain exactly. and i just got off the phone with autumn and atleast she can be honest with me. she helps alot so im not as mad as i was earlier this morning. and last night was the first night i got sleep,when i got home yesterday which was like four p.m. i like passed out and didnt wake up to 2 and then went back to sleep and woke up at 9. wow. i woke up punching my cat and pillow. so i must of been pissed bout something. prob this whole thing. what did the five fingers say to the face? slap! im rick james bitch! lmao drama is nothing but shit but what is life without it? no problems would make life a bore. but when you have it there is not wanting more. so how do you deal? im bout to go crazy and maybe break down. its a song in my head but i hear no sound. im out ttyl cya ta-ta jedd - nickname-