wowza. i havent written in here for a long ass time. fyi..i have another new diary..in xanga and my username is lifeisabullet3. :) well well..to upday ya'll if you still read this damn thing is that things have taken a turn for the good and bad so far this year. i have different emotions this year. much more mature and much more upsetting. and my pap has been diagnosed with lung cancer and for the good..is i havent lost any friends..nor is anyone giving me real problems. and i met charles. im struggling but not really. see i havent given up hope. i just have problems like every other american. im not in touch with my self. i dont know myself. but i will. some day. i have ppl supporting me and my parents are getting me help. so it will be a okay. and for charles. hes great. i like him alot. i talk bout him alot and think bout him. he makes me smile when i frown. i didtn think i could even like someone again or..atleast like them and then give up. i usuallly push the person away or find a flaw in them to relieve myself from any form of hurt. but see there are no flaws. i jsut need to get thing straighten with myself. though he lives in enola..im willing to try this relationship. and i think he is. and i hope he is... i think thats all im going to write for now..cus i much more to say which will lead to new entries. so do you think i should change my background? its kinda the old me. lets try something new!