This week of school, the first week, sucked. I can deal with the bored and the sucky people, but with Jacki there that changes things. Seeing as how we keep lying to people who ask if we are going out, we can't be ... friendly like. And I can never get a hug. Plus she is really funny and social with school friends and I'm all quiet. She is always talking to Dan or Ryan and I'm not sure how I feel about that, I like them but that feels wierd. ... But on thursday I was generally unhappy and getting worse so I was on doing homework and talking to Jacki, a little. But mostly my homework, and we decided to go to the library after I finished. My dad gets home and got really mad at me for something, and I was about to cry I wasn't mad at my dad or anything of the such, I just felt so stressed. So I just left as quick as I could so I wouldn't cry in front of my parents and have to tell them why I'm so upset. So I just told Jacki "I'm leaving bye" and cut off and left, but thats because my dad told me to shut off the computer. So I rode my bike hard because I was freaking out, like everytime I was about to start crying I'd go faster so I'd have to think about that. And I got to the library really quick and was riding back along the same street that Jacki was coming up in the car with her suspicious sister. And I was shaking and stuff, almost calmed down. So I waited by going around a block and getting to the library to see Jacki and rode past her sister as she was leaving. But then I ditched my bike and ran to Jacki, and ... that helped SO MUCH. It took a minute but she calmed me down alot. Alot Alot, I feel so comfortable with her around my arms. It really helped. And we stood by the tree stump thingy all hidden. I was finally relaxed. Then when I left I had to wait for her sister and her to leave first, but I wanted to get home before dark (which i did) But I was afraid that her sister would talk to me in class, we have sculpture together. That's all wierd. And I hate the people in that class. And then friday was alot better. I still feel scared that Jacki will find reason not to like me, because I'm so quietish. I don't know and Cross-country is going to get in the way of us ever being together after school. I guess the best thing for me to do is just let go and let things happen. bye like