I'm jsut so tired wont you sing me to sleep and fly through my dreams so i can hitch a ride with you tonight and get away from this place get a new name and face i just aint the same without you in my life After I listened to this song, I decided I wouldn't tell Jackie I wanted to die, ever again. Even jokingly. I don't think she noticed though, and I kinda want some reemberment for this. Me and her went to see "Kiss me Kate" on saturday night, at school. I thought it was alright, but apparently it wasn't. I think that they should have resolved more in the story though, it kinda left open ended. Anyhow I think this marks the date where me driving with her is no big deal to my parents. Only I still feel, ... um whats a good word, ucky due to the fact that she doesn't tell her parents anything. It makes me feel like I'm one of those stupid teenagers, which I guess I could be and not know it, but I'd like to think otherwise. I tried to get her to tell her mom though. I think I'll have to work on that one. Aparently her mom thinks she's bad because she hangs out with kyle and evan. MAybe I should be worried about that too? Nah, especially not Kyle, as a matter of a fact I think she really is starting to hate him, but won't say anthing about it because she's to nice. I have headphones on and its really loud, so I keep checking my shoulder for someone peeking in my door. My grandparents are over, and I don't want one of them reading this, let alone my parents, or my girlfriend, or friends, or my pets. But I'd so totally let pebbles read this. I was going to talk about somthing. Oh yeah, me and Jackie after school before I left and after track and all that were outside by the side of the building. And she gave me a hug and this teacher I used to have, but I don't think she recognised me walked up and said something about if this was appropriate, what we were doing. Yeah that didn't go over well with jackie. And she said what you were doing several times like we were doing someting innapropriate. I hate people who steriotype teenagers almost as much as I hate being steriotyped as a teenager. My own dad did it to me, and yeah I should have exploded. And I should have exploded on that teacher. I really wish I would have. Maybe ask her what it was we were doing? *Sigh* Its all over and done with. Boy I hate people. I've been getting better, about you know what. Maybe this is the turning point, and maybe I'll stop entirely for a long time. I can only hope so. I don't deserve to live. But I'm better. I'm sure that sounds alot worse than it is. Like I'm doing drugs or something. WHICH IM NOT! MAybe I should write more often now. Maybe that's what made me feel so good before. I like to be able to expand on thoughts so I don't have to think about things later. I should study for spanish. I'm way smarter than my class, but I need to know the basics again, and ... memorize my vocab. There maybe that will get me out of haveing to actually study. You know what I think sucks. The catholic church, but not in the way htat they are bad, more like it sucks for them. The entire church and every church is being judged by those child molester preist and the guys who covered them up. I'll bet some churches have hardly anything to do with the main church. I like my religion best. It is the best. It's all about peoples intentions, if you had all good intentions through life then you go to heaven. But if you want only to hurt someone you ahve to serve some hard time in hell. And you don't stay in heaven. At some point you go back to earth as something else or mayebt the same thing. Reincarnation thats the word. And it's a choice you can decide when you wnat to go back to earth, like a fresh start because everything you remember gets erased. And heaven isn't that perfect place like some people think. But when you go back to earth you can put some of your basic values back into yourself. Like perhaps love for running and at some point in your life you'll find that again and when you get back up to heaven you get to change those values that you will learn again. And god doesn't want us to worship or pity him. He doesn't even have that much power as far as I know. He only has influence on us, which is actually alot. Like me he helps me get through my life and sort things out, talks to me, like my cat. Okay this jsut becaame a private entry. Remember this when your older andy. People talk to you in your mind. And who knows if its you or not, but it gives you perspective to pretend to be another point or maybe there is really another point. But either way I'm not crazy it's just things talk to me to help me out. Apparently I'm suposed to be something important. I'm not sure how though. Maybe I'm toying with myself. I got the greatest feeling the other day. Accomplishment. Though I didn't accomplish anything. I tried to catch AJ and I had the perfect mindset, I accomplished the perfect mindset. After I started talking to myself there was no pain all I had was desired to beat him. And I pushed it. I hope I can get that back. I've been writing for a half and hours now. I think I'll stop. Bye like