It doesn't really matter, I'm pretty sure the damage is done. But I'm ready and able to be happy again. How to act on it? Get a job, a girlfriend, stop wasting my time. I had fun with Matt last night. Evan was over and we played music for about 20 minutes, before Tajea (however you spell it), Matt's neice had to go to bed. (her birthday was the next morning) Me and matt drew in the black book, and generaly sat around boringly. Anyhow less of the time line it's time for some thought. I don't think I'm jealous of Jackie and Evan anymore, but I'm still jealous because Evan stole Matt from me. I hate that I'm jealous, and I really hate that in myself, jealousy is the worst emotion ever. I think I may be able to deal with matt being gone though, seeing as he's such a superficial friend. I need a good friend again. Jake, as if. Jake has taken a dive, I wouldn't tell him where I eat lunch. I've been mediocrely happy for about three days now. If it sticks, it sticks. I just have to stop having days like today though. I didn't acomplish a single thing today. I still need to bring the sky down to the horizon in my painting and retune by bass, and those are just fun things I want to do. TV is my devil. I think I may have lost sight of what I find beutiful. Nothing is anymore. Well I do like outside alot right now. And beatles, but as far as girls, nobody. I can try and try to fake myself into thinking I like someone, but it's fake no matter what. I'm just recenly getting my happy back, and it took two months for that, so the really good highs won't be here for quite awhile since it took me about 7 months to go downhill. It's time for bed. Bye like