I'm back to this becuase I complain and whine better here. That stupid xanga was too white while I typed my entries, and I wasn't writing them for me. I'm really tired. Mentally tired. But not the kind of tired I can fix with sleep. I need to stay up all night and write journals, I need to listen to music so loud and melodic that it makes me sway and my hair tickles my shoulders, I need curle up with a good book and read until my eyes sag, and most importantly I need to lay down with Kate, and she needs to not be figity and her hair will go all over, but we will lay down and rest, I won't go as far to ask for sleep, but to lay with my eyes closed and drift off would fix me. Crying would help too. To run that race this saturday, would calm me down dramatically. I can't wait to finnaly get to run all out. I want to pass people going up that hill and run down it like I'm falling. I wish my mom would stop interupting me. She keeps popping in and trying to talk to me. Sometimes she just stays there while I ignore her. Sometimes she expects me to drop my homework when she comes in to talk to her. Sometimes I leave my room because everyone crowds around me in here. I don't like people in my room. I thought of this as my safe place, where no one can bother me, and where I can get away from all the people I hate. More and more that's not true, in fact people I hate come in through this stupid computer, and people call me. This room is tainted, the sancrity of it has dissapeared. The dog comes in whenever he wants. The cat bothers me. I can't get thing accomplished in here so I have to go into the dining room and do my work on the table. I want to go for a run. I can't make Kate happy anymore. Every thing is going downhill, but the running. bye like