I get numb after awhile and stop caring. Not just the way I joke about it. When me and Jacki do something its really fun, but after I leave I miss her like crazy, but a day later I stop caring. Maybe it's a defense mechanism to keep me from getting really depressed again. I think we need to work out something better so we can be together more. I think I can almost get her to tell her parents. I don't know if that will solve anything though. If anything it will take a long time anyways. I want her now all the times. I didn't talk to her that much this break. We had these two weeks off and I saw her maybe once or twice, but I didn't talk to her much, I've kinda been busy, but otherwise I've played video games alot. I also did go to the new years eve thing with my friends, it was fun. Then I had matt over last night and we stayed up until 8 and laughed about the dog puke. I swear we don't even need drugs to get so high. And that's why I'll never have any. It's even better with Jake there. I like having friends that I'm not to embarressed to share a bed with, and no not like htat. I can't wait until track season when I have no time to worry about this stuff or do anything. And I kinda miss the stiff legs and pain. I need some pain to put things in perspective. I think running is the only thing for me. I'll still kill myself if I couldn't run. I have to lie to Jacki and promise I won't die. But she really only means that. Bye like