My life hit a standstill. But these are the things that are great, and I will try to stretch them because I'm depressed now, : -i have a good job, not fast food, and activish, and it pays well -I have a girlfriend, who I like intensely -I have two really great friends -I'm healthy and run all the time -I live in a house with running water adn a constant supply of food -My parents don't suck, in fact I like them alot and rarely dissagree with them -I have a fair amount of freedom, more than some, but not too much -I'm cleanish I don't smoke or drink -I haven't bit my nails much recently -I haven't had to punch my deck until my knuckles bleed for four months -It's summer and I'm out of school Now watch as I tear everyone of those apart: -I hate my boss, he's an apsolute jerk to people, he said "i wish we didn't have to help carry stuff out for fat slobs, because god knows they need the exercise", given this is something I'd say, but I'd say it jokingly. He's also old and hard to understand or reason with. My job is boring, alot, most of the time no one is in there so we just have to sweep sweep sweep. My job has no structure, I wish I knew when I was off so I could plan stuff, but no I just get to have no social life. And my boss I think lied to me about how much i'd get paid. I'm afraid to say something though because I don't want to upset someone, or tell my parents for fear that I'll have to settle into a new job. -I like my girlfriend intensely, and I can never ever see her. And on top of that when I do it seems like its a makeout fest and she's so figity I don't get to do what I want to which is just relax. Her parent's are getting more agatated with her and she hardly does anything. The annoying guy who threatened my existance is now calling her constantly and making it harder for her to sneak away to see me once a week. ONCE A WEEK. SNEAK AWAY. This is NOT the life i want to live! I want her parent's to like me, and I want to see her all the time. I've thought about what to do, but I just don't know. If I force her to tell her parents thats just hard on her, and they will hate me, never let her out, and life will generally suck more, oh and I'm sure Jackie will hate me some. -One friend is out of town for a month, and the other friend is incredibly lazy and getting boring without my other friend. On top of that it's incredibly hard to find him because he sleeps until six pm. And then he expects me to stay up all night into the late hours of the night with him when I have things to do. And they both want me to spend more and more money on crappy cards. -I keep trying to be more healthy and I'm afraid I'm going to starve myself. I don't ever run the workouts twice a week like i planned to do on top of the cross country practices. They waste tons of time when I have things to do also. It's driving me crazy. And all this running is getting to my shoulders because I'm lifting stuff at work all day. I probably won't be able to run on our vacation, and I refuse to run on a tredmill. -... That's the filler one that's for my own sake. It's so that I'm not greedy or bitchy to the poor people with out that stuff. But I believe that everyone lives a equal life, and that they all have the same amount of happiness, just in diffrent places, meaning I'm missing out on something that THEY have. -I was too lazy to go to the store to buy bread to make sandwiches for lunch the next day, so my dad made me bread. I'm sorry I quit saying I love you to them. I won't break down this one because I DO like my parents. -I can't drive with Jackie to anywhere that's fun, and I want to go to a play, which will never happen apparently. My dad yells at me everytime I ask to take someone somewhere. What's the point of being able to drive? So what I can go to work. I hate work. -This just means I'm a loser. And I'm beginning to think that my policies are bad. -I did too. -Well I'm about to release all this anger that way. So four months gone to waste. -This sure doesn't feel like summer, I have no freaking free time, I went swimming once, and I started work the saturday after the friday school got out. Big break! Well I like this negative attitude. And I plan on hiding this journal, so Jackie won't see it. OR I never would have written it. And Oh I am mad at her. Her family maybe, her circumstance maybe, but I just want to see her, and she keeps lying, and I don't like playing these games, I'm fed up. I even considered dumping her for awhile so I can breathe adn find other girls. And that'd probably lead me to stay away from her. But I never realy wanted taht. Bye like