I still see things that shouldn't be there, they stop me in my tracks, my body jerks. I don't close my eyes till sleep is fully upon me, because in my head I am tormented by images of death in it's most gruesome form. Faces grimacing, things scratching, twisting, grinding towards me. People are talking to me and all I can think is that they are lying to me, that they are uncomfortable around me, that they are talking about me behind my back. I'm fighting myself thought against thought. Thinking about choices that i've made that could have affected me this way. Blaming it on my Dad for making me want to be like him, letting me think that it's cool to be a mess. I WANT TO SELF-MEDICATE MYSELF THE FUCK BACK TO NORMALITY! I WANT TO BE ALONE AND NOT WORRY THAT I'M BEING WATCHED BY SOME HIDEOUS THING THAT I CAN'T SEE. I DON'T WANT TO SEE THINGS CRAWLING ON THE WALLS, CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR, CRAWLING FROM MY LIP RING, CRAWLING UP THE BED TO REACH ME, CLAWING OUT TO GET ME! I WANT TO BE OK. "As we paint the foil with the flame, smear the soda, taste butane. For every fear that can't be named, to calm you down. Your heart starts skipping steps, so you're farther gone than you might expect. If you're thoughts should turn to death, gotta stop 'em out like a ciggarette."