Consuming me with guilt and giddiness this is a new game that I've played many times before. The chase and the catch, minor release to get the fun back. Someone plays too rough and the other is left upset... I don't know why I let this happen because surely I am no good to myself broken? But I just can't get enough of the chase and the catch and the slight release to get the fun back and the new becomes old and we get bored and you go or I go and we start the game all over you find someone new maybe improved and i'm left to hold the metaphorical baby of so many what if's and how coulds... I feel physically sick with all of this.