...unseen. I must lose weight. I've let myself go these past couple of weeks & I feel disgusting. I tried to drink & smoke myself into a stupor last night but some of the people in my life were hell bent on killing my buzz. For example; Frenchie who has ruined the whole 3 dynamic we had going with Brett by introducing his fucking feelings. Now it is a love triangle, with me loving neither like that. Brett wants Frenchie. Frenchie wants me. I want someone who I don't think I've even met. And Joel who rang me after quadruple dropping on a belly full of whiskey and cocaine telling me "Lucy I'm so fucking high, i'm coming up! Oh God it's hard I'm in paradise, I'm not breathiing FUCK! This is good" I'm all for that shit if i'm there and i'm feeling it too but not when I'm in a mood and I just wanna smoke a spliff and go to bed. Oh well...better than his usual broken record of "I'm gonna kill myself"...I just wanna scream NO YOUR NOT JOEL! IF YOU WERE YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT BY NOW AND NOT TOLD ME!!! FUCKERS!