What I wanted from Adam has changed. We don't do much aside from smoke weed and have sex, which is great, but that cannot constitute a proper relationship. I have been talking to two other boys of late, one is a friend of a friend of an ex fuck, he lives in London but is a bit soppy. Lets call him TeamUp! And the other is a boy I used to go to college with, lets call him...well lets call him his name, Tom. He lives near my home town. We have arranged to meet at Easter :] Then of course there is Alex, who I thought hated me after the Adam thing. It hurts me physically when I think of Alex. He is amazing. And I'm quite sure that I am in love with him, but we will never be together properly. I am seeing him in London at Easter though, he called me drunk the other night and we arranged it. He said..."You know I only come online to talk to you and you weren't there, so I called" <3 Anyway...I realise I must seem like a whore, but a girl must have her options. And I don't like to be alone. I need someone to have me or I don't feel as though I exist properly. Only sometimes...how lame am I? Jesus. I should lay off the weed. This is the patter striking again though you see. I don't feel special, in fact I dont feel much of anything so I set about to destroy myself in order to re-build? Maybe.