So. I went to the relationships&sex church group thing last night. It's funny. We get rather sidetracked kinda a lot. We mostly talked about creepers all night. I really hate that. I just starting thinking about stuff, you know? Like, if a really ugly guy does something nice for you, it's called "creeping" but if a hot guy does it then it's "aww so sweet." Not to say, you know, that there aren't creepers. 'cause there are. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't call them that 'less they do something actually creepy like have a shrine of you or something, not if they just wait outside of a class of yours to talk to you. Annoying, perhaps, but not creepy. and you know we love that if it's a boy who we like. So yeah...stop overusing "creeper." We talked about surrounding ourselves with people who would furter our faith and not diminish it... That part's hard for me, you know? I started thinking about Jason. Like, we're hanging out saturday night with a bunch of his friends. He also warned me that there might be weed there. I told him that I would still go, becuase he knows I WON'T do that. I told Andrea (youth pastor) that. I was honest--I told her that I've known Jason since I was in kindergarden and yes, we're rather good friends. And he has pressured me to smoke pot before, and I've always resisted. I also admitted that I know I shouldn't hang out with him, becuase I KNOW he's a bad influence on me. And what she said was that it was great that I hung out with him, because I was probably influencing him. Many people can't hang out with these kinds of people becuase they're too tempted. But if you can hang out with them and not be tempted, you should. "If you're on a diet, don't keep a chocolate cake in your refrigerator." I know (I KNOW) Jason's a bad influence on me. But I tell myself that it's okay because I have never done pot and am very strong in my convictions against it. and I am. I'm really quite surprised by how much it's already ruined my life and I've NEVER EVEN TRIED IT. There's the fact that this drug has completely dissolved my relationship with my brother. There's the fact that apparently the entire school thinks I'm a pothead, so much so that one of my friends heard someone say that walking down the hallway, and there's even fucking bathroom graffiti about me. Though I've never tried pot, I've somehow built up that reputation. that shit pisses me off. and just other stuff. I just don't like it... Well Jason is one of my best friends on the realz, but he's SUCH a huge pothead. And it never used to be an issue! Except lately, he's decided I should try it. I keep saying no. But it's at least showing it's face, like it never used to I mean, I have never done pot. I'm not planning on. Yes, I'm against it. But...when he offers it, I can't help but feel a little tiny bit...tempted. I know I'm human. I don't think it's horrible. because an much larger voice in my head is screaming "NO FUCKING WAY YOU IDIOTIC HYPOCRITE SLUT WHORE STONER." And so I always proceed to tell him to shut the fuck up becuase I'm not trying pot. so I mean, no, I shouldn't be hanging out with him. But I am. and I mean, no, I'm still against pot. But I mean...he introduced me to Flynn. That was bad for me for a number of reasons. He has encouraged me to do other immoral things. I just...I can't even fool myself anymore. ..but I just don't want to lose a friend too, you know?