I'm finally at the part of my life where I've started to accept myself for who I am... I'm so embarrassed by how I acted with Flynn; not by most of it, but most by one thing: I lied to him about being a Christian. I didn't "lie" per se But I was sitting in his room I pointed to this cross-stitch on the outside of the door that said "Shhh...I'm talking to God" and said "That's cute", a bit sarcastically, only because he didn't strike me as that type. He pointed to the wall behind me and the "Jesus loves me" cross, and said "yeah, and did you see that?" He paused and said "I hate church." I think then he realized that could be pretty hurtful (I'm used to it, though...) and so then he said "I mean, sorry if you go to it." I then said "I used to get pretty into it...I haven't been in a long time...I still go to youth group sometimes, because I have a lot of friends there" So basically, I lied to him and implied that I wasn't Christian, didn't go to church because I didn't want to when really it was just because I usually worked on Sunday mornings, and only went to youth group because I had friends there. I had never, ever lied about that before. And I'm fucking ashamed of saying that. I think it took that, though--I realized later that Flynn is a complete asshole. If I have to lie to someone about something as important to me as my faith, then they're probably bad for me. I'm ready to try the nice guy thing. I feel like it almost took getting my heart broken to make me realize that I'm okay the way I am. It took some pain for me to realize that I just need to be myself and nothing more. Flynn made me feel totally worthless, but I changed myself for Flynn. I realized now that when I'm myself there are people who love me... and those people know me, and still like me and those people are worth so much more than he is, and I realized...I'm not worthless. People love me. People support me. And these people know who I am... I'm not worthless The person I was pretending to be was worthless and replaceable. I'm fucking done changing who I am.