sometimes I feel empty. Constantly I feel like I'm not doing enough.

I've come to the bitter realization that my life is not a Molly Ringwald movie.

Confession: I love Sex and the City.

The other night hanging out with Brooke and Kelly, I told Kelly "you're such a Samantha."

so of course, we got into the discussion of who was who.

I said "can I be Carrie? I want to be Carrie."

Kelly said, "you're Miranda."

I said, "no I'm not Miranda. Carrie's a journalist!"

Kelly said, "you always say that she's not a REAL journalist."

"Well I don't want to be Miranda, she's so lame!"

"you're totally married to your job."

She was right.

I love the DTH. I am always growing. Always learning. I love taking on more responsibilty. I hang out in there when I don't have to, I go in on Saturdays, I just like chilling in the newsroom. That's how we should feel, right? We should love what we do? I love it. More than anything. I sacrificed my relationship with Sam for a relationship with this paper. But I could imagine my life without Sam. I couldn't imagine it without newspaper.

that's the way it's supposed to be. I love reporting. I love scoops. I love breaking news.

I love Summer staff. Do I love the fall staff?

I'm losing myself. The world is so big and I'm so little. Last semester I felt so out of place. And I messed up. And I made a fool of myself. And I gave people a reason to talk about me behind my back. And I fucked up my reputation. I was responding to something. A need to feel special. A need to feel accepted. Good job, Kelly. I'm the specialist of 2013. That's a real fucking title.

I don't especially like a lot of the people I'm working with. But that's normal? I'm just doing what I love...