Why does everyone make such a big deal about their first kiss anyway? My first kiss was gross. It was like at one AM On a church retreat, It was sloppy, he almost completely missed my mouth, and I didn't half realize it had happened til after it was over. My second kiss (well, I suppose not my second kiss, but the second guy that I kissed) was a whole hell of a lot better. This isn't random, for the record. I just got on here and read a friend of mine's diary who hasn't been on in a few years and among her most recent entries was an entry about her first kiss. I don't know. Everyone else's seems to be better than mine. Hell, I couldn't even tell half of my friends about mine, and most of them still don't know that he was my first kiss. Most of them don't even know that anything happened between us. FYI: That why you shouldn't date best friend's exes. It's not worth it, it's way too fucking complicated and annoying. anyway, back on track, I read this entry, and a few after that, and she said that a bunch of her friends were calling her a whore for making out with a guy that she wasn't "officially" dating. What the hell does that mean? I mean, don't you have to kiss somebody before you become official with them? Don't get me wrong, I've been that girl. And it sucks when you make out with somebody only to find out that they never wanted to date at all, just to make out. I mean, I'm not opposed to hooking up, although I've never done it myself. Making out with no strings isn't nessicerily a bad thing. It can make two people who feel like shit feel a whole of a hell lot better. But they both have to know it's no strings going in, or else someone just gets hurt. Then somebody commented on her entry saying something to the effect of "welll I've never been kissed and blah blah blah I'm a whore and nobody likes me" and I just don't get it. What is the big deal about first kisses? I talked to Kirsten&Megan, who are both about 5 years older than me, and they both said that they didn't really even like the boy who was their first relationship (not realizing it until after it was over, of course) but that they learned so much from their first relationship. I don't know why I'm going back and thinking about him when I haven't in such a long time, but I don't really think I learned anything from my first relationship, other than don't get involved with somebody if you're not willing to ever be facebook official, haha. It was completely ordinary. A boy liked me, I liked a boy. We kissed. We dated. Nothing extraordinary, no great stories, really, no real problems, no real lessons learned. I don't know. The things I've dealt with in relationships after that were so much more complicated than that, and I'm not sure my first relationship prepared me for anything. I don't really feel like I made any major mistakes either. I don't think I was foolish. He was foolish, I do remember that (you don't tell someone you love them after a week. eww.) I didn't say it back, I told him not to say it. I didn't get overly dependant, I realized when the relationship was getting too weird, and I ended it. I don't really feel like there's much to be learned there. I have zero regrets in that. I wish I had some great story like every one else seems to. But the fact is, that my first kiss was not especially fun, and I don't understand why it's such a big deal. I was talking to Stacy the other day, who has never been kissed. I was also talking to Gaby. Gaby declares that she doesn't like tongue kissing. I say that I think I'm the only girl on the planet who does...nearly EVERY other girl I've talked to says she doesn't like kissing with tongue. Yet for whatever reason I do a whole hell of a lot. Stacy just gets all red and says "I always feel weird in these conversations, because I've never been kissed..." Gaby says "I think it's cute. It's so anime-ish. You've never been kissed, so someone will come sweep you off your feet." I don't think that's true, I just think Stacy thinks differently than Gaby and I. Also it helps that I don't believe in that fate bullshit. Stacy never worries about relationships and thus never puts any effort into building one, and she has a different outlook, I don't really think that much before I get involved with somebody. I think in very simple terms: If you like someone and they like you, give it a try. If you want to makeout with somebody, do. Do what feels good (to a certain extent). Stacy doesn't. She worries. She thinks beforehand. Stacy would never do half the shit Gaby and I have done. Stacy would never date a pothead Stacy would never date a friend's ex Stacy would never date a boy she didn't know really well first Stacy would never date a boy who she didn't really, really like first. I don't know, maybe it's just becuase I don't believe in that whole fate thing. Maybe I've wanted to date people I know really well first. Maybe they've liked me back, maybe they didn't, I don't know, and to be perfectly honest, I don't really care. Sometimes the one we care about more doesn't make a move, and the one who's bad for us does. Sometimes it's more fun to go with the latter, for a lot of different reasons. It's more than just that they act first. It's hard to mess up a friendship. And it's hard sometimes when you know a boy really well and you're just that comfortable with him sometimes to know whether you even want a relationship or if you're just too comfortable with him. when there's a boy you don't know as well, sometimes it's exciting, or it's something stupid like he wears tight pants and you just want to get dating a guy like him out of your system, or there are things you like about him and you're not commited to the other guy and you don't even know if the other guy likes you and you know that the new guy does and you just don't want the new guy to think you're not interested so you don't say no when really you're not entirely sure. I'm sure that none of this makes sense to the majority of you reading this (all, you know, none of you). I'm more of a think-in-the-moment girl. Maybe sometimes we pass up the meaningful relationship for the one that is more immediate fun. Maybe sometimes we get hurt. Maybe sometimes the relationships that don't seem meaningful turn into something meaningful. Maybe sometimes the new guy can turn into something great. I don't think the way I think is wrong. Dating isn't a science, it's an art. It's not exact. It could never be exact. Were it exact, it would cease to have a purpose and we would just immediately know who were compatable with and marry them and live happily ever after. I don't think of people in those terms. I don't know. "If it happens, then it happens." ~Scary Kids Scaring Kids.