String me along like a beautiful love song my life has been happening and I haven't slept much along the way. car accident today fyi. no damage done to either party. haven't told my parents. don't think I'm going to. Today Sam, my co-editor-in-chief of the paper, told me that he was afraid of me. That's why he asks me permission to write anything. I was like "...you've been on the paper longer than I have..." He said "yeah, but you actually care about it." He was like "When I saw you walking into my advisory this morning," fyi I was walking in to ask him if he could meet at lunch for the editorial board meeting, "I was like 'shit, what did I do wrong?'" sooo. I don't mind being known as the really intense one. although I do hope he was kidding about being scared of me. that's just not good. but then, I've never met someone who cares about what they're going to do with their life the way I've found mine. whateverrr. sam's like, the only kid I know who's gonna make less money than me haha but then, he wants to be a military commander and my career is a dying industry he may make $4000 less than I will a year, but he'll always be garunteed a job. People are always gonna fight eachother haha. ... SO excited about college. just gonna throw that out there. I just found out (yes, I know I should have known this BEFORE I applied there, but whatever) that University of Florida is the second biggest school in the nation. eep. that kindofscares me. all my life I said I was gonna go to a small school but what I found out was that small schools don't have as good j-schools I also just found out (again, I really ought to research schools before I APPLY) that University of Miami is $49000 a year. shit. well, there go my dreams of going to school in Florida. Idk. I wanna get in though. It's so scary now that all my apps (minus one) are submitted. now I just have to wait. I'm not gonna hear from any schools til december, then I'm only hearing from one--and it's one of my safeties, not even one I wanna go to [Elon]. all the schools I care about I won't be hearing from til midjanuary. I can barely wait it out... but on a more positive note PILGRIMAGE this weekend! :) it's the highlight of my year. normally my life is just filled with so much static and distraction this is one weekend a year when I'm on spiritual high I just love it. I need it, now, too. My life's been too crazy and I've made too many mistakes and I just faith to be easier pilgrimage I swear is what keeps me believing throughout the year I feel so unworthy lately I haven't been to church in ages because I always work sundays, though I keep active in youthgroup and bible study. idk. I'm tired but I just need to make it to friiiiday.