Now I'm even more angry... I have to retype this damn entry but here's what you might not know, which may anger you but it's everything I need to get out, NOW. Someone has severely pissed me off and now it's my turn to say things. And since the first time I wrote this entry, it was long and beautifully written and I was so glad to finally get it all off my chest, knowing my gorgeous luck, it deleated so yeah, I'm writing in bullets this time. -To start off, on something not as relevant to why I'm angry right now, I am 100% against homophobes, if you can't tell this already. I'm part of the "accept as you are" portion of the population and if you're not, you know what? Don't start on that "God doesn't make them that way" BS. If you want to take the path in believing in God, people are made to love other people. (Not that I believe in what love has began to stand for) If you start bashing me, I will not cease to tell you how unaccepting and idiotic a person you are. This is one issue I have no doubts in my mind I'm correct about. People should be free to love who they want. -A second thing, I am egnostic, and to those of you who don't understand this concept, it means believing in a God but the other details may be sketchy. Right now, I'm trying to find a branch of a religion I believe in to stand behind. I am monotheistic and if you need to lable me at all, a -very- loose Christian. But for awhile I was feeling as if there was no God at all. Lately I feel as though there must be something. Do not critisize these beliefs and I won't critisize yours. I only joke when I call Rachel a "rich jew" and all. I find it discusting that people say it and mean it. For Rachel's sake, you are all insecure morons. Atleast she believes in something. -Next, I am not against athletes, but I do hate sports. I am -not- just lazy. I took physical and motor skills therapy for about 4 years as a child before they gave up. It was degrading and awfull. I never conformed to anything I was taugh, but the motor skills part will go in another bullet. I also had a back brace, so before you tell me I'm a lazy idiot for not particapating in gym, it doesn't come easy for me and it's incredibly embarassing to trip all over one's self when I do particapate as I used to. I hate that people used to make fun of me. This is why I hate sports. NO, I will not give them a try, -And to those who tell me to do something physical, I take dance lessons twice a week to help my coordination. My dance teacher is awesome and completely supportive. I finally feel comfortable with my routines. -To those of you who tell me to get outside, I try as best as I can. Yes, I do have reasons for not going out much. I have something called ulcerative colidis, which is actually a very humiliating disease to have, but the heat creates flare ups and has also caused me to have ceizures. My parents don't even allow me to stay outside in the heat for very long because of how physically sick and close to passing out I've gotten. I also am against tanning because I don't wish to be wrinkled with skin cancer someday, so I thought I'd mention that too. I do get out as much as possable, but health does permit. -As for the motor skills, I never conformed, though it was originally thought I should just use my right hand, I never did. I'm a true lefty with pencil marks to proove it. I don't hold scissors or a pencil corectly, but I do consider myself a good artist. I now take 2 periods a day in school and hours opon hours outside of school to work on my art; as of now, water colors, manga/anime, and clothing and makeup design. People tell me all the time I'm a good artist, and I always wish I could laugh in my old teacher's faces for their threats of my never ammounting to anything. -To those of you who -still- think I have no hobbies, I do school plays and actively particapate NOT for the popularity, but for the feel of being someone else on stage. You have no idea how great it feels until you get up there! This summer I auditioned for a non school-related musical at the Tri-Cities Opera. I am also taking acting classes, sewing classes, painting classes, dance lessons, voice lessons, and a looong vacation to see my lovely Chicken on LI. -On the subject of plays, My mother did alot for this last play and the one before. She organized the entire cast party and helped with flowers. She was almost nominated president of the committee next year. You know what? She's not just some rich woman who gives money to the plays and even if my parents do donate, it's because they know how much my acting means to me and want to donate to help make the whole cast's performance better. It is in no way bribe money as I haven't gotten many decent roles in plays in years. This is basically because of seniority or maybe I'm not good enough. But if you start dissing my "rich family" again and saying we do nothing, I will pretty much kick you in the balls. -As for those who say my parents, especially my mom, is horrible or messed-up and has made me the way I am. I'm going to do something if you say it again, along the lines of what I just mentioned above. I'm finally admitting something, I don't hate my mom. I love her to death for the fact that she's been trying so hard to be there for me lately, even if at this point in my life I need to figure things out on my own. My mom taught me acceptance, to be polite and care for others as myself, and to even put others before myself. She says I'm her best friend and I'm going to say what I should have said months ago, if you -ever- say something about her again, I will not resist to end my friendship with you. You know who you are. If you think my mother has messed me up, you don't desearve me or my friendship for she's made me the good things I am and I can only hope someday someone will accept that. -On that note, I told my mom today how I really don't think I want to be a news anchor or a phycologist or anything serious, as I realized I keep breaking down because of stress lately and it will only get worse in adult years. I told her how I want to be an artist but only have a small job as my main one to support myself, like a waitress or hairdresser, something that requires little stress and lots of room to be open. I realized how much I want to improve opon myself when I turn 18 with my hair, and body. I plan on getting a tattoo and a couple piercings and getting into fun stuff with my hair, so I realized, being an anchor especially limits your true self. You have to look a certain way and be one-sided in your stories. That's not me at all! But yes, my mom just looked at me and told me she completely supported whatever desision I made. I literally started balling and I finally felt free of all the stress I'd held in about this! I love her for this. -I'm liberal and left-wing. I can't stand the abuse that's been going on in Iraq and that it's been appearing more and more what an idiot our president is. It's one thing to defend your oppinions, it's another to tell me I've wrong, naive, and stupid. I have my reasons. If you want to call me a hippy, fine. I am 100% against war and a huge pacifist. I feel very strange even writing this entry but it's been bottled up for far too long. -I don't care if you don't like my clothes or make up. I do! I'm not going to take it off or conform to pastels and solid colors to please you. You're not going to stop me from dying my hair, or wearing liner with wings. I love the fact that it's my face and I can do what I want. So to those of you telling me to stop, I'm not going to. I wear crazy things at times because the truth it, I want to maybe even sometime get into costume/fashion and makeup design. But yeah, I'm not a poser. I where what I want when I want. -And lastly, I do not depend on another being to create my happiness any longer. I am sick of people saying I do. I love the fact that I'm no longer in fights or insulted anymore. I don't have to worry about being broken up with my attitudes and oppinions because there's no longer someone who would do that. I am seeking to find someone who accepts me as I am, as I am willing to do for them. I'm not going to just shut up and stand by as I'm mentally abused this time. And if you're reading this and thinking it's you, it's probably not. There are two specific cases and those two probably wouldn't realize I meant them. So to the person who may start protesting, it's not you nessasirily, though take the other comment about my family to heart, arsshole! Alright, now I'm incredibly tired of writing. I'm going to now save and re-read this to see if it even makes sense! Yay! The angsty and angry one, Danielle