I'm so tired. I feel like someone's punched both my eyes until they're black because they're so heavy. Every time I move my lips, they crack. What of it though? I may be exhausted, but I'm happy... So happy, because I have her, and with that, I know everything in the world can be right. It's irrational and not always the most logical but, I'm going to do everything in my power to make it a reality. That's all I can do. I'm tired of living for people who don't understand the half of it. I'm tired to looking at pictures of this beautiful wonderful place that's green with flowers and beaches and a blue sky and wondering why the hell I can't be there as well, why I'm stuck here on cracked country roads and gray skies above my. New York isn't all it's said it should be. If you're not in Times Square, the excitement dies down. I remember being there and looking up at that smoking cup of Nissan Noodles on the billboard and feeling infinite. Then I realize that everyone sees that same billboard, everyone walks along the same crowded streets, and owns the same knock off Louis Vuitton purse. The thing is, there's no contrast in New York. There's fading colors and a whir of people who all look the same. The grass is always greener on the other side. In California, there's actually grass to speak of. And on country roads where I stand now, the grass is copper and the sky is a white-gray. It runs constantly, and the only flowers that little the fields are dandelions- weeds. I want my paradise with the one person that makes every color shine. I deserve a chance to move past all this. I love New York. I love the city, despite how cliqued it is. I know it's a big scam, a joke, that no one truly lives the way they portray it in movies. However, I don't want to stay here all my life... Atleast not alone. This idea keeps pounding in my head day and not... Maybe it would stop raining in New York and the grass would be green again if she was here with me. When am I going to feel like I have a home?